Wait for it…
She of royal frocks and fancy hats is down to her last £1 million. You may remember her from the glory days when she cut ribbons and long-distance waved like there wasn’t a care in the world.
But now Queen Elizabeth is in trouble town…
It’s been recently reported that the Queen’s royal advisers have spent so much of her hard-earned £££ that the Queen’s cash reserves have fallen from £35 million in 2001 to a lonely £1 million today.
Nice advising, guys…
In other tragic news, we’re told that Buckingham Palace is in such disrepair that Queen Elizabeth’s servants run around with buckets to protect the art from being damaged by rain. I don’t know about you, but I HATE having to redirect my servants from silver-polishing to the protection of my vast art collection. It’s the worst.
‘Shackingham Palace’ will never be the same again.
In case you missed the gravity of the situation, I’ll break it down a little for you.
The Queen now requires her SERVANTS to run around her PALACE with buckets to protect her ARTWORK from incoming rain.
Cue the royal violins…
It seems that the £31 million the royals received from taxpayers in 2012-2013 wasn’t quite enough because they actually spent £33.3 million – which has contributed to the royal pickle they’re in now.
This reminds me of a funny story.
I was once so destitute that my bank account read “-$10”. So I totally understand what the Queen is going through. To be fair, our circumstances aren’t exactly the same – as it turns out, I didn’t have money for a bucket, although, to be fair, neither did I have much in the way of artwork.
I do feel for Lizzy though, so I’ve come up with the following ideas to help get her off the street and back in the game…
- Get a job. I don’t mean what she does now. I mean an actual job. I’m not sure what her qualifications are, but there’s nothing wrong with flipping burgers. It builds character and within a few short years, she could be shift manager…or even store manager! One day, she could branch off and start her own chain. “Lizzy’s Buns” – I can see it now. Just wait for the “Corgi-Pounder” and the “Filet of Phil”. Mmmm. Delicious.
- Maybe we could pass the hat around? Kinda like they do in church, we’ll pass it around twice. That ought to boost the coffers. Could Lizzie even busk while handing the hat around? The royal Corgis at her feet? Prince Phillip accompanying. The possibilities are endless.
- Reality TV show – “Real Royals of Buckingham Palace” In Episode 1, they’ll guide us through how to keep our monogrammed items looking fresh, feed other royal families for ‘pocket change’ and buy artwork for less than £3 million. If this doesn’t scream ‘practical tips for struggling families’, then nothing will. Oh, there will be drama. The Queen gets frumpy because one of the younger royals (no names) has returned to the palace stinking drunk and has traded one of the corgis for some Mexican jumping beans. As punishment, El Royalismo is banished to the guest quarters with no use of the Bentley for 12 hours. He’ll cry, brush his teeth with caviar and the show will be a hit. The Queen can give the final ‘lessons learned’ monologue in ‘Queenie’s Quorner’. Hello, catchphrase! Listen to Lizzy, darlings?
- The Queen looks like she would make a perfect librarian. I have nothing more to add to this because it works perfectly. Shhhh…
- YouTube! The Queen may have mad skills, but she doesn’t have mad INTERNET skillZ. It’s easy, she just needs to get famous by getting the young ones on board! Remember Matt Harding? He danced around the world, got sponsored and now he’s living off fat stacks (I think). I’m not saying the Queen has to do EXACTLY the same thing. Maybe she can take her royal wave around the world? I think it would really resonate in some of the poorer countries.
- Have the tax payers help out! Given they contributed £31 million in taxes last year, I doubt anybody would blink if, say, it was QUADRUPLED. Hey, it’s the Queen, and her bills aren’t going to pay themselves now, are they?
Surely one of these ideas will help Queen Elizabeth get back on her feet? If not, I guess she could always sell off one of her palaces through the local real estate broker. I hear she has a few…
Or we can just set up a charity fund for the poor, destitute Windsors. Something like –
Look, if we don’t help her out her she could get booted from the palace. Then she’ll need to bunk somewhere cheaper (there’s this little piece of real estate downunder where the peeps still lover her apparently) and I just don’t have enough monogrammed towels to accommodate her right now.