In my experience, nasty things tend to happen in clusterfuc&s and can seem to blow your world apart.
The can take all forms, shapes and severities, but everything can be contextualised. So, if you’re going through a hard time at the moment, I feel for you but take a breath, step back a little and come on a journey with me to a place called “Perspective”.
Imagine perspective as an art gallery. It contains bright, harsh, shocking images of the most awful things you can imagine. It’s a good place to visit because it allows opportunity to reflect upon how much worse things can get. A visit to perspective comes with the golden opportunity to realise the nasty thing going on in your life maybe isn’t quite as bad as you first thought.
So, when I’m feeling a tad sorry for myself, here are my Top Five places I go for getting my troubles into perspective.
No 1. Carotene poisoning
I have a ‘friend’ who is very fond of eating carrots. She decided that carrots make a wonderful, healthy on-the-go snack and can often be found eating whole carrots anywhere, any time (all the time). My ‘friend’ recently became mildly concerned when she noticed that the palms of her hands were tinged with an odd orange-y hue. On closer inspection, all of her skin was affected in varying degrees. An innocent carrot addiction can lead to an overdose of vitamin A, which can lead to osteoporosis and even death. Carotene poisoning is no joke. And they haven’t improved my, I mean, ‘her’, night vision, that’s just a myth.
No 2. Burning your tongue on a cup of coffee
However badly life is going, it will always get worse if you burn your tongue on a cup of coffee, for two reasons:
a) You will be very uncomfortable for some time, and not be able to taste anything for at least the rest of the day.
b) You’ve just paid for a terrible coffee, made by someone who doesn’t understand the basics of heating milk. If you are on the Gold Coast, it will be an overpriced, terrible coffee made by someone who can’t understand the basics of heating milk despite having a thermometer in their milk jug in order to prevent burning it. #youhadonejob
No 3. Being Cory Bernardi’s wife or in fact being connected to him in any way generally
Fairly self-explanatory but it has to be said that every day that I wake up and I am not Cory Bernardi’s wife, I feel lucky. Even though there’s no chance of him suggesting any kind of sexual act that might conjure up images of animals, I am 100% sure that any dreadful feelings I might wake up with on a bad day would be infinitely better than waking up next to that fool of a man.
No 4. Breaking your leg in three places on a dance floor
Breaking my leg in three places because I overbalanced during an over-enthusiastic hug on a light-up disco dance floor was one of the low points of my foolish youth. The titanium pin in my left leg will always be there to remind me of that fateful night in 2007. It aches when the weather is cold and my legs will never be symmetrical again, no matter how many single leg presses or lunges I do with my gammy leg. If you’ve had an experience similar to this, think back to it during your current hard time. Broken bones are totes painful.
No 5. Being a victim of Gossypiboma (or textiloma)
This has made news headlines lately, but has not been called by its fancy name. Gossypiboma is the term used to describe a foreign mass that is left inside the body after surgery. Now, I may have been wheeled out of hospital with a titanium pin and four screws in my leg that I didn’t originally want there after the aforementioned dance floor incident, but at least it was placed in there with a purpose and my permission.
Although, that toothbrush-shaped object sticking out of my calf has me a bit concerned…
Does that put things in perspective for you?
Chins up, sweethearts.
Things could always be worse.