Xavier Toby

Give me Schopenhauer over Schapelle any day of the week

AP Photo/Firdia Lisnawati

When I see Schapelle Corby, all I see is a stupid bogan who may or may not have caught doing something stupid in the happy holiday place bogans love to go, namely Bali.

(Such a shame it wasn’t Bougainville Island. How perfect would that have been?)

*cue howls of disapproval, anger and outrage*

Ok, I used the “B” word, but whether you like it or not, she is also a convicted drug trafficker. A BOGAN drug trafficker.

Aside from both these things, she’s also a human being, and for that reason I hope that she gets all the things that every human being should be entitled too.

Proper legal representation, adequate care, medical whatever and stuff and things.

As an Australian overseas, if there has been some great injustice perpetrated against her, I’m happy to read about it in the news. Very occasionally. I’ll take an interest, and I do want her home safely. I care about her as much as I care about anyone I don’t know, and who’s done nothing to make society better and adds very little to anything by their existence.

Is she a philosopher, politician, artist, musician, scientist or intellectual of note? Is she saying or doing anything that is going to deepen my understanding of anything?

No, she’s not.

So in all honesty, I don’t want to hear about her.

She may or may not be a perfectly nice person. Whatevs.

To me she is just one of a million others who have terrible lives but who don’t make the papers nearly every day.

And the one thing that certainly does not affect how much I care about her is how attractive she is… and yet from what I can see,  her supposed attractiveness is what gets her so much media attention.

(It may also be that the reason so many seem to care so much about Corby is that Australia is full of passably attractive bogan women – the whole ‘it could have been me’ phenomenon.

Well, to avoid that happening to you, take care not to pack your luggage full of drugs, or let a close family member with a history of drug trafficking pack your bags for you. (not alleging anything, just offering some worldly travel advice…)

Another thing I do not care about is her every move. If you do, you’re an idiot. Stop it. Please. You’re acting sub-human. Do you realise that she probably dieted while in jail because she knew that people back home would care less if she became less attractive?

That’s weird.

I believe you could draw a graph and plot age, attractiveness, skin colour and nationality  and compare them to distance from Australia and work out how much we care.

You’re a white blonde Australian girl child in trouble? We care wherever you are. Of course we do.

You’re a white blonde Australian woman? Probably draw a line beyond Asia. After Asia, we’re going to struggle to take an interest.

You’re neither white, blonde or Australian? We don’t care. Even if you’re in Australia.

So, do you know who falls for all this subtle geography based, compassion racism?

Stupid people.

You want to stop being stupid? It’s easy. Read a bit. Pay attention. Start asking ‘why’ a lot more. Then you’ll be thinking, as you’re reading, “Why do I care so much about this?”

When you realise how pointless the answer to that question is, you’ll eventually stop caring so much.

I realise by writing this article, I may be contributing to the problem. (doh.)

Ah well. I am being quite critical, so hopefully I’m helping to steer the ship called society in a slightly different direction.

Or maybe only the people who agree with me will read this, and those that don’t won’t, and all I’ve done is upset some trolls. As with most things I write.

Look, I don’t hate Schapelle Corby.

I just hate that we live in a society where people care so much.

The Kardashians though, they can all go get jailed for life for being the most ridiculous group of wannabe nobody’s ever on the planet, and when they’re in jail get put in the same cell as some hardened criminal chick who will show them a bit about what life is  really like.

That’s one episode I’d watch.

Xavier Toby

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian. His debut comedic non-fiction book about six months on a mining site 'Mining My Own Business' is available through UWA Publishing (http://uwap.uwa.edu.au/books-and-authors/book/mining-my-own-business). For more writing, upcoming performance details and some embarrassing photos check out his website.


  1. Madamm Geeky said:

    Oh dear, another self-opinionated ignorant excuse for a human being.

    “Schapelle Corby is a dumb bogan. She’s also a convicted drug trafficker.”

    In actual fact she is extremely intelligent and articulate, far more than this jerk. She isn’t a drug trafficker either. But that doesn’t stop the dregs of humanity, like Toby, from using her for a bit of self promotion.

    There’s the irony: nobody cares? So why is this cretin writing this about her?

    I’ll tell you. He has had smears poured into his empty head for years, by a ruthless media, and he lacks the intelligence and compassion to even realize it. And Schapelle Corby is an easy target, every vicious dog tries to kick her.

    He has touted this around, desperately seeking some self-promo, and he eventually found the pits, Fairfax Media to publish it for him. Yes, the same Fairfax Media that has been smearing, fabricating and censoring for years:


    They will publish anything that is hostile to Schapelle Corby or her family, Toby, so don’t imagine there is any kudos to an article in their rags.

    It’s desperate stuff isn’t it, abusing a woman who isn’t even allowed to reply, as a result of the ongoing abuse of her human rights, in the form of gagging. It takes a particular sort of coward to exploit it.

    I wish you karma, Toby. You are pathetic. Let’s hope that your karma is as long and painful as you deserve it to be.

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