Sean Romero

The Liberal Party: How to be a Liberal ASS-et

Image: AAP

Sean Romero points to the clear evidence of Liberal Party members proving themselves to be a bunch of ass…ets to opposition parties…

 

That’s right, I called them ASS-ets.

Recently, I wrote that it should be mandatory for politicians to get (ie, earn) a Social Media Licence before posting on Facebook, Twitter and the like.  All jokes aside, I meant it.

I mean it even more now.

While we were chuckling at these guys making asses of themselves and their party, stories were unfolding revealing that this whole sorry saga had been taken to the next level.

In fact, so many reports were made that I had to map out the madness (refer below).

liberal party

(Ok, I’m clearly no illustrator, but you get the picture…)

The good news (for me, at least) is that the mind map helped me summarise what it takes to be a young Liberal right now:

1. Open a Twitter/Facebook account.

2. Be a complete jackass. Not a buffoon, as I initially suggested – but a jackass. Tim Dark (Vice President of the Swinburne University Liberal Club) asked whether “butchy lesbians” are considered women. He also urged women to shave their armpits as hairy armpits nearly made him “puke”. Ladies, this guy appears to be single. Any takers?

3. Say whatever you want. It doesn’t matter if it’s vile, racist, prejudicial or homophobic. In fact, you’ll get bonus points if you manage to say something that ticks all of these boxes. Stefan Eracleous (Treasurer of the Melbourne University Chapter of the Young Liberals) may have achieved such a feat after it was reported that he referred to Muslims as “Third World degenerate c***s” (two out of four) AND described Germaine Greer as a “lying f***ing c*m guzzling sl*t”, and noted that she does not believe in God and has no kids (at least two, if not three out of four).

4. Make sure to address ALL topics. No stone should be left unturned. Sometimes you need to turn the stone, urinate on it and wave it around proudly (and publicly) so that everyone can see your “piss stone”.

5. Make broad, sweeping statements about entire cities, such as Mr Eracleous (I know, again), who is reported to have posted that “London is the gay capital of the world”.

6. Be contradictory to keep people on their toes. Aaron Lane said shirts are for faggots, yet he’s wearing a shirt in his photos?

7. Respond to the furore with as little sincerity as possible. For example, you can respond a la Tim Dark by stating that your comments were “off the cuff” and not to be taken seriously. This is genius, because it absolves you of blame and makes others question why they bothered making mountains out of molehills. They’re just buzzkills, you know?

The funny thing is that the Liberal Party recently commenced an internal review in light of the upcoming elections. I don’t know who they’re paying (or how much), but my review is free and can be summarised in one sentence:

Some (not all) of the younger members have proven themselves to be petulant, self-entitled, racist, homophobic assholes who fail to grasp the repercussions of embarrassing themselves and the Liberal Party in public spheres. This does not bode well for the future, given that people usually wait until they are in positions of power before revealing themselves to be morons.

Failing the introduction of a Social Media Licence, maybe the Liberal Party could just run a social media background check on party hopefuls?

Judging by the calibre of the ASS-ets we’ve seen so far, the turds won’t be hard to spot.

(Ed’s note – if Messers Dark, Lane or Eracleous would like to respond, at least in a civil fashion without too many c, f or b words present, TBS would love to publish you…)

Sean Romero

Don’t let Sean’s ethnicity fool you. He has no rhythm and is an average soccer player at best. To make things worse, he’s a tax lawyer by day. However, he hopes that you can learn to love him anyway. His greatest interests are his wife (aww), music, coffee, food and life commentary. If a warped sense of reality was currency, he’d be a rich man. More nonsense can be found on his blog and Twitter.

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