Tom Jacobs

The story of Tridevil’s “dumplings” has gone, well, tits-up #cueBennyHillthememusic

Jasmine Tridevil, she of the “Total Recall-esque” rack, has Tom Jacobs and the rest of the world bamboo(bs)zled, begging the question “How low can entertainment go?”

It turns out that Jasmine Tridevil, the girl with three breasts, was faking it.

The third breast was always fake no matter how you look at it, but the hoax lies in her claiming that she had it surgically implanted.

Her reasoning for the ruse appears to be legit — she wanted “fame”, a word that has in recent times made “notoriety” and “infamy” sound a little less condemnatory by comparison. Tridevil is trying to get her own reality television show on MTV, which will show the day-to-day struggles that come from being a young woman with three breasts and presumably no other talents.

Like shopping for a bra or telling a guy to stop staring at the triplets with “take a photo it’ll last longer, weirdo!” while the camera crew captures it all on film.

It’s a struggle, but a struggle she chose for herself and it’s not just fame for fame’s sake — it’s borderline masochistic too.

I don’t know whether Tridevil was being manipulated by a manager in a cheap used car salesman’s suit in some sleazy office, but if she was, then I’m assuming the conversation would have gone something like this:

“Jasmine, we need to capitalise on your name. ‘Tri’ means three after all and…hmmm…how would you feel about selling your soul for fame?”

Or perhaps the name came after the plan was hatched?

We can “chicken or egg” this all we want, but I have a feeling that she’ll just always be known as “the girl with three boobs, only two of which were real.”

When I first heard about…what’s her name again? I’ve forgotten already…and it was still being reported as fact, the most surprising thing was that I wasn’t surprised about someone disfiguring themselves just to get on TV. It’s like the neglected dog that will try to get the attention of its owner by ripping clothes from the line. We tell them they’re bad…and then we hang up more clothes.

Attention is still attention, whether it be negative or not, and that’s pretty much the neurosis of fame in a nutshell. If MTV gives the green light to her headlights people will want to tune in and see the freak show, which begs the question, how low can entertainment go?

Well, people have been flocking to see those travelling freak shows as far back as the 16th century, where a row of tents in a field would house acts like the Bearded-Lady and Crab-boy, so I don’t think it’s that much of a new low in entertainment, rather just the same low we’ve always had — one we can now watch from the comfort of our living room!

“Jasmine’s Jugs” may be on our screens soon, but even if MTV passes on the idea, Jasmine Tridevil has still found her fame.

I recently pitched “Tom’s Triple Testes” to a network, but they weren’t too keen on the idea.

Apparently I don’t have the face for television.

 

Tom Jacobs

Tom is a writer and budding comedian who, when not writing and 'comedying', enjoys collecting old blues records and doing terrible things to his cat with a fork.

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