Xavier Toby

About Xavier Toby

Xavier Toby is a writer and comedian. His debut comedic non-fiction book about six months on a mining site 'Mining My Own Business' is available through UWA Publishing (http://uwap.uwa.edu.au/books-and-authors/book/mining-my-own-business). For more writing, upcoming performance details and some embarrassing photos check out his website.

When the Subway diet leaves you feeling robbed…

So it turns out the “Subway diet” doesn’t work…who would have thought? One poor kid did, writes Xavier Toby, and now Subway’s cash registers are looking a lot lighter.

This is seriously one of the single greatest things a civilian has ever done with a gun.

Zachary Raphael Torrance robbed four Subway stores at gunpoint to get his money back after he didn’t lose weight on the famous “Subway Diet”.

The diet is based around the theory that you can lose weight by living off eating two low-fat Subway sandwiches per day.

It is thought to have been invented by Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle, who claims he lost 200 pounds (heaps of kilos) following the strict eating regime.

Since then, Jared has gotten fat again, then skinny again, run a marathon…and then I stopped caring.

Poor Zachary Torrance is likely going to go to prison, which upsets me greatly. You shouldn’t be pointing guns at innocent people, so maybe he doesn’t deserve an award. There is, however, a lot of merit to what he was trying to do.

We are bombarded with advertising that repeatedly makes highly contentious claims. Everything that advertising tells us ranges from the very sketchy to blatant lies. Very rarely are any of the advertisers held to account. Why isn’t there some big government body that regulates what advertisers can say and do?

I think there is one, but really…they do stuff all.

I want to live in a world where advertisers can’t lie and they also can’t mislead. No more good looking people on fast food adverts. No more smiling on gambling adverts. No more infomercials that make outrageous claims.

It’s all lies, and most of know that it’s all lies, but Zachary was beautifully naive enough to believe the lies.

Anyone who advertises has a lot of money, so they have power, and society and government are reluctant to piss them off.

The powerless then resort to violence because they feel they don’t have any other options.

Very often, they’re right.

Zachary felt powerless. So he acted out.

If we lived in a more responsible world, which gave a shit about all of the people in it, instead of only the people with money, then Zachary wouldn’t have held up four Subway stores.

He shouldn’t have done it.

Still…I can’t blame him.

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To celebrate being a year old, we want you, the readers, to help us decide the articles you loved best during our first year and to encourage you  to participate, we are giving away three prizes!

All you have to do is look through our archives of content and email us your favourite article and also if you want, the one you weren’t so up with. From the submissions, we will assess the most-loved content from our first year and republish it at the end of our birthday month.

Both writers and readers are encouraged to enter (No, Paris, you cannot nominate your own articles…#justsaying), so please email us at [email protected] by 30th November to enter! Please include your name, address and mobile number.

And the prizes are…(did we mention there are prizes…?)

First prize: A brilliant acting course based in Sydney and hosted by Darlo Drama worth $550!

Second prize:  A gift pack from our friends at Booktopia

Third prize: Four movie passes

(Plus watch out for a couple of of other competitions during our birthday month!)

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