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Christmas: Jan Terri, blurred lines and seasonal tears – TBS Top 5

Beloved TBS’ers, consider this a Christmas gift from us to you – a Top 5 list of the worst Christmas songs of all time (after all…at this time of year, it’s important that we show you all how much we care). 

 

Hopefully today our readers and writers at The Big Smoke are with family and friends feeling loved and remembering what the holidays are truly about – terrible music. I mean, god-awful cringeworthy songs that you don’t just listen to, you take the time to watch the video. Some productions are low budget, adding to the below-par vibes, while others are big budget with a huge dose of creepy. Here are our favourite bad top 5 Christmas songs:

1. Jan Terri – Excuse my Christmas

I am sorry if you don’t know about Jan Terri. Jan used to drive limos in the 80s before finally getting to release her truly terrible song “Losing You“. Eventually though, after gems like “Get Down Goblin” and lyrics such as “He had baby blues, so crystal clear, clear enough to fill a swimming pool,” she went down the Carey/Buble route and cashed in on the holiday season with “Excuse my Christmas”. Personally, the best part of this song is when she explains how “in Spanish they say Feliz Navidad.”

Enjoy…

 

2. Tom Jones and Cerys Matthews – Baby It’s Cold Outside

When Tom Jones keeps a lady in a cage who sings in a infantile voice, tells her she can’t leave, and then she turns into a black-clad, devilish sex woman – you know Christmas just got real. The worst part of this song is the creepiness Tom Jones brings to the ahem, chess board floor. He seems happy to be trapped in a cage by the end of the song, but the whole thing screams duct tape to us.

 

3. Justin Bieber – Mistletoe

I don’t even want to talk about it.

 

4. DMX – Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Just kidding, this is great. Listened to it 3 times already today. Word.

 

5. Pussycat Dolls – Santa Baby

The problem with the Pussycat Dolls and Carmen Electra’s cover of Santa Baby is that their sexiness seems forced, the outfits look like they were purchased for the lolz and the choreography is over the top. Just a bit. I get it, you are hot, have a nice body and like presents. The song is actually great, with layered sexual euphemisms that can be playful, but this has turned into a “WTF is happening on that stage, do I have to pay more to watch this?” moment. Personally, I think the best rendition of Santa Baby is Eartha Kitt’s version released in 1953.

 

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TBS Likes is a strange place where anything goes. Like International Waters, or Christmas morning after the shine has worn off and the booze has kicked in. May the ugliness commence.

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