- “Summer of glove” campaign calls for the end of Berejiklian-era strip-searches
- The great Australian dream of owning a backyard is dead, but it can be resurrected
- Thoughts on facing the quarter life crisis
- McKenzie awarded a grant to a gun club without disclosing she was a member
- If America implements a universal basic income, the working class will be short-changed
Despite Eugenie Bouchard being a talented tennis player, Katherine Quinn identifies the “Bouchard Method” that has augmented the Canadian’s fame.
So you’re a young, female, above-average tennis player.
That’s not going to make you stand out from the crowd these days.
If you’re really looking to get ahead in the tennis world, take a leaf out of Eugenie Bouchard’s book, which I have helpfully summarised below in four easy steps.
Step 1: Do a photo shoot on a beach
When Eugenie Bouchard teamed up with fellow Canadian, Milos Raonic, to compete in the Hopman Cup in 2014 the press had a field day. The fresh-faced 19-year-old was whisked off to a nearby beach and paraded about in a pair of short shorts and a midriff-baring top. Never mind that Team Canada didn’t even make it to the finals. Actual tennis performance can be overlooked when there’s a hot body on the beach.
Step 2: Engage a stylist
Never be seen even going to the gym wearing ordinary clothes. Baggy T-shirts and mismatched shorts are not going to get you noticed. Also, you’ll need a pair of aviator sunnies. When you’re on court, remember, the more fluoro the better. Burning your opponent’s retinas is a legitimate tactic.
Step 3: Get a group of fans and organise them into a personal army
Fans love being part of a group – think of the pride demonstrated by England’s Barmy Army following their beloved cricket team around the world. The Genie Army is a group of (mostly male) adoring Bouchard fans who cheer wildly and throw stuffed animals. See their Facebook page for useful tips on how to mobilise your fan base.
Step 4: Develop a twirl
This step builds on the good work done in the previous three steps. Once you’re comfortable on display in front of a camera, you’ve got a killer outfit and a devoted group of fans, you’re ready for the final test – the all-important twirl. Girls, this needs to be practised as thoroughly as serving and volleying. When you’re on centre court, having just slogged through a tough match, do you really want all your good work diminished by providing a lack-lustre twirl? Do you want your fans to go away remembering your athleticism, but not your outfit? Do you want to be known as the crowd-pleaser or the troublesome player who won’t tolerate inane questions from commentators?
It won’t be easy making it in the world of tennis, but “The Bouchard Method” will ensure you become a bankable player in no time!
(For those of you who missed it, read Katherine’s piece on women’s tennis and the five-set dilemma.)