Aunty Ashleigh

About Aunty Ashleigh

TBS very own Agony Aunt, here to help in an informative - yet lighthearted - way with any issues the TBS community can throw her way...well, most things...not things like "What are next week's lotto numbers going to be?"

Marriage problems? No quick fix, says Aunty Ashleigh…

In her day, Aunty Ashleigh experienced something akin to “marriage problems”, and tries to offer some old school wisdom (despite her son Charlie yelling in her ear) to TBS reader KitchyKoo.




Dear KitchyKoo,

Thanks for sharing.

You know my late husband Barry and I used to argue constantly. He had this hideous plaque he received from one of his many workplaces that he insisted be put on the mantelpiece. I wouldn’t let him. We experienced “marriage problems“, I guess you would call them, and didn’t speak to each other for about six months because of that horrid thing!

But we never dreamt of getting divorced so, I don’t know what to tell you.

My son Charlie is visiting. He went through some marriage problems recently and thinks he can help. Personally I wouldn’t listen to him. He’s a bit of a know-it-all and talks a lot of nonsense. He thinks you should do everything you can to get back with your wife. He says when you’ve found “the one” you shouldn’t give up. He says that when couples argue about silly things, there are almost always “underlying needs” that aren’t being met. He thinks that a “couples therapist” might be able to help you explore them. Charlie also tells me that my arguments with Barry were about me feeling “unfulfilled” as a housewife and seeing the house as an “extension of my identity.” He says his father insisted on displaying the plaque because he felt “unappreciated” at home and that if we could only “empathise” with each other, everything would have been perfect.

Sounds like a bunch of new age hooey to me. We never needed all that psychology rubbish in my day. There was right and wrong and that’s all there was to it. If Barry had any sense at all, he’d have seen how ugly that plaque was and that would’ve been the end of it.

I might be a cynical old lady, but I don’t believe in all that nonsense about finding “the one” and things being “written in the stars.”

No, KitchyKoo, you make your decisions and you live with the consequences.

Now, I don’t know what caused your marriage problems but I do know that’s there’s no quick fix for what you’re going through. My niece put something on my Facebook computer once. I’m not usually one for all that hippie nonsense but this one made a bit of sense and I think it might help. It said that pain is an important part of life because you can learn from it and it makes you stronger- or something like that, anyway. That’s the best advice I can give you.

(Charlie’s reading this over my shoulder and yelling at me about how I still don’t get it. He says it’s no wonder he has marriage problems and that his relationship is falling apart with the example we set for him. You know, I can’t even have a nice lunch with my son, without him constantly complaining about all the ways I’ve ruined his life! He’s 50 years old for goodness’ sake! I’ve got a mince pie in the oven that might shut him up for a little while).

All the best, toodleloo

Aunty Ashleigh

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