Attention all Aunty Ashleigh fans – our TBS advice queen has accepted a new post with “Prophets & Oracles” cruises, so she’s taking her sagely wisdom overseas…she’ll be back though, we feel it in our waters…
I have some very exciting news.
Over the last few weeks, I have been providing you with my insights and I know I’ve changed your lives immeasurably. I have only now come to realise that I what I thought was simply common sense is indeed something far more profound. The fact is, dear readers, I have been discovered.
It all began when two gentlemen came knocking on my door one morning. I invited them in for tea and they told me about their company and showed me some glossy brochures. Now, I wasn’t really paying attention to what they were saying, but I explained to them that I was in the business of mentoring and providing life-changing advice. I showed them some of my writing on the computer and their jaws dropped! They told me that through their company, “P&O” (which I believe is short for “Prophets & Oracles”) they’ve changed many lives and have been searching far and wide for a leader. They said that when I opened the door they could feel my intense aura and as soon as they read my teachings, they knew that I was “the one”. They practically begged me to embark with them on a voyage, to impart my sagely wisdom to the world.
So readers, for an indefinite period of time, I will be travelling the world, immersing myself in different cultures and communities and giving them the invaluable benefit of my wisdom and advice. P&O will provide me with a large boat, with all the luxuries and amenities one can imagine and filled with disciples to help me on my quest. Best of all, it’s only going to cost $50,000: a small price to pay to solve the world’s problems! My family has pooled all of their money together to help out and they can’t wait to see me off!
Now, I’m not saying that I am a Saint, or that I will receive the Nobel Peace Prize. Only time will tell and that’s not for me to decide. But, as one of the gentleman explained to me, depriving the world of my wisdom would be bordering on a “crime against humanity”.
I know what you’re all thinking. “How will I know what to do in my life without Aunty Ashleigh’s advice? How can I possibly go on?” Yes, dear readers, these are fair questions and I’m afraid I don’t have the answers. Most of you will crumble without me, but with great power comes great responsibility. This is bigger than all of you and perhaps even bigger than Aunty Ashleigh herself. There’s nothing I can do. I have been chosen.
Besides, who knows what the future holds? Me, apparently, and once I’ve written it all down, you’ll be the first to know. Please continue to send your questions and dilemmas through and I will answer them upon my return.
Toodle-oo for now and best of luck.
(You’re going to need it.)