- NSW Police 18 times more likely to place Indigenous youth on secret watchlist
- In Japan, this man will pretend to be your dad for $275
- First Nations teen subjected to “brutal police assault” demands justice
- My life needs an undo button – let me explain
- Premier clamps down on ‘illegal’ Black Lives Matter protest
Jordan King Lacroix has the jump on us again, with the latest info being that scientists have found there is nothing left to laugh about.
After a long-term, in depth study, scientists were surprised at their findings that nothing is, in fact, funny anymore. The study was taken over the past ten years to determine if there was, in fact, any levity left in life. The findings indicate that, in fact, there is not.
“Do you remember when we were all laughing at George Bush Jr’s misspeaking back in the early 2000s?” senior scientist Andrew Gaddaway asked in an interview. “Remember how that suddenly became really depressing, because he was the ‘leader of the free world’? Yeah, that was when it all went into decline.”
The study was comprehensive, consisting of vigorous investigations into contemporary happenings in the social, political and economic spheres. Scientists rated things as either “funny”, “side-splitting”, “upsetting”, “depressing”, “surprising”, “enraging” or “ironic laughter”, subtitled “that kind of funny where you have to laugh or you’ll cry”. It turns out, things in the past ten years have either been “enraging” or “depressing” with almost nothing in between.
“Hell,” Gaddaway went on. “I couldn’t even laugh at Abbott eating an onion like an apple. Twice. I just started weeping uncontrollably. It didn’t stop until I turned on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. That’s the only thing that makes me laugh these days.”
Findings also noted that the cancellation or ending of many prime comedy series in the past decade may have contributed to the decline in the overall hilarity of everyday life.
“Also, we’re all probably going to die before we’ve lived out our lives,” the 27-year-old scientist said. “I mean, the Earth is essentially set to die off before we’re sixty, so what is there to laugh about?”