After the Supreme Court’s ruling to legalise gay marriage in the US, JKL interviews those who are going the other way; to Australia.


In the wake of the monumental Supreme Court decision to legalise gay marriage all across the United States, amongst the celebration and cries of elation there were mournful faces, faces of fear. Those people who are afraid for what this means for their once beloved great nation.

Those who realise their time here is at an end.

“What will we do now?” conservative voter, Jeffrey Pound, said. “When will they force us to get gay married? We can’t live like this!”

There looks to be an unprecedented exodus of American citizens fleeing their nation’s shores in light of the ruling. Hundreds have forgone the traditional airfare and have piled into boats en masse and headed for brighter shores.

“Texas didn’t immediately secede,” Bobby-Jane Cannery, a wife, mother of two and former inhabitant of Houston, said. “So, heading out to Australia is the only real option. They at least have some sense about those darn queers!”

Tears were shed, clothes torn, as the Confederate flags went down and the rainbow flag – the well-known symbol of the LGBTQI movement – was hoisted all over the country as people with no discernible difference from other citizens besides their sexual orientation can finally enter into the wonderful pact of matrimony.

“How will I explain to my kids, as we polish our guns,” an anonymous man asked, “that two men can be in love? It just don’t make no sense!”

Australia, for its part – as gay marriage is still not legalised – has been very accepting of these new refugees.

“We welcome our American brothers and sisters with open arms and open hearts,” Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s statement is said to read.

“They will be set up with homes and land so that they may continue their great American traditions within our nation. As this is an emergency situation, I have decided that these people shall bypass any detention centre status and be placed immediately on permanent residency visas through our political refugee program”.

It has been an unparalleled response from the Prime Minister, known as he is for his anti-boat people policies. Prime Minister Abbott also purportedly said that he maintains “vigilant” in his stance against gay marriage and is ready to “shirtfront” anyone who tries to force his hand.


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