Jordan King Lacroix

Obama classifies Jon Snow’s fate as a “national secret”

 

Barack Obama continues the great presidential tradition of hiding the truth in matters of public interest; classifying the true fate of Jon Snow.

 

The Presidents of the United States have a history of knowing – or are rumoured to know – a variety of secrets that are considered “too dangerous” for the average public’s consumption. This has been proven inexorably with President Barack Obama being let in on a secret so monumental that only the smallest circle of people on Earth are privy to it.

President Obama has learned, for certain, the truth behind the fate of beloved member of the Night’s Watch, Jon Snow.

“This is a perfect example of those in power keeping secrets from the people,” frothing conspiracy theorist Seymour Donahue screamed over the phone line from his hermetically sealed bunker.  “Tell the truth, Obama. Release the documents. This information is not just for you to know, it should be disseminated amongst the people! Whatever happened to freedom of information? Release the documents!”

Murmurings from within the White House, a number of President Obama’s staffers have allegedly passed on a statement from the POTUS himself that “some information is too dangerous” and that the risk of it “falling into the wrong hands” was a “clear and present danger.”

“Obama is doing what he thinks is right,” local businesswoman Janie Crumps said. “Sometimes we have to be protected from ourselves. That’s what Truman did in ’47 with Roswell, what the CIA did after JFK, what the FBI did with Kubrick & the Moon landing, and I believe it’s the right thing to do now.”

“Can’t everyone just wait a few more seasons or books to find out? I’m sure they’ll tell us when we need to know.”

If, however, Obama decides to keep this information under wraps, it could be over fifty years before the documents are declassified, if not longer.

This is clearly not soon enough for a large cross-section of supporters like Seymour, who have already drafted a petition with the aim of taking it all the way to the United States Supreme Court. They hope this effort will not only bring closure to a hurt generation, but kill the growing speculation that there may have been a second shooter.

So until the Supreme Court’s decision, we like our doomed hero, know nothing.

Jordan King Lacroix

Jordan King-Lacroix was born in Montreal, Canada but moved to Sydney, Australia when he was 8 years old. He has achieved a Bachelor of Arts from the University of Sydney and McGill University, Canada, as well as a Masters of Creative Writing from the University of Sydney.

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