A surprising hat (sombrero) was thrown into the Presidential Ring this week, with Sinaloa Cartel leader El Chapo running for the Democrats, as JKL reports.
A surprise press conference was called today in Washington where escaped Sinaloa Cartel leader Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán announced that, rather than having Donald Trump murdered, he would be running for president against him.
“I stand for the rights of the people that Donald Trump has trampled on so liberally,” Guzmán allegedly said.
“The Democratic party is the perfect place for me. I am a self-made man and an immigrant. I know what it is like to live the real American dream. Unlike Trump, I truly wish to keep America great and out of the hands of a man like Trump.”
While officially standing for all Democratic Party values, Guzmán also has plans for some controversial bills, including the legalization of all narcotics. This plan is due to what Guzmán describes as his “personal experience” dealing with the trade and “knowing its ins and outs”. The bill is gaining traction amongst voters.
Guzmán also wants to increase trade with Mexico and other areas of South and Central America, with plans to make immigration to the USA easier.
“People just want to live a good life, without fear from thugs and bullies,” the former Cartel leader purportedly said after he recently escaped from prison via a large tunnel.
“This will not only help Mexico but the United States as well, bringing it closer to its neighbours. I want to bring the esteem of this great country up in the eyes of the world.”
Any reporters who noted to Guzmán that persons who were not born in America could not run for the office of the president were quietly black-bagged and removed from the room, with their families receiving a mysterious “compensation payment”. This practice, he says, he got from watching Trump’s business dealings.