Jordan King Lacroix

DHC: Club formed to hunt dentists

On the back of the Cecil the Lion outrage, a hunting club has been formed to claim the deadliest foe known to man: dentists.

 

In the wake of the news of Dr Walter Palmer being allegedly involved in the shooting, skinning and beheading of beloved Zimbabwean lion, Cecil, a new club was quickly formed by outraged members of the public, PETA, RSPCA and a variety of other groups that has been tentatively titled DHC: The Dentist Hunting Club. The aim of the group is to stalk and hunt down dentists in much a similar fashion to an African safari tour.

“Dentists have gotten away with too much for too long,” outraged citizen Denis O’Leary said, sporting a crimson deerstalker and a rifle slung rakishly over one shoulder.

“Do you know who invented the electric chair? A dentist.”

The dentist and steamboat engineer Alfred P. Southwick was the inventor of the electric chair in 1881, an idea he came up with after supposedly watching a man electrocute himself and die quickly. As someone accustomed to performing procedures in chairs, this seemed the perfect format. As we all know, it was a truly painless and humane method of execution.

Dentists, long feared by children and adults all over the world, will be forced into iron cages and transported excessive distances in the heat, to be released in national parks containing scale model cities. Once there, they will be free to roam their new environment.

Thereupon the hunters will be surgically implanted.

“I’m looking for a new trophy on my wall,” experience hunter Zelda Macnamarra said. “And if I can’t have Palmer’s head, I could settle for a Dr Zeigler, we’ll just see what happens”.

A new black market has already sprung up, offering tens of thousands of dollars for valuable dentist pelt, bones and teeth, also known as “dentist horn”.

When questioned about whether this practice was ethical or humane, one anonymous member replied, “About as much as killing that lion. Or drilling into molars without anaesthetic”.

 

Jordan King Lacroix

Jordan King-Lacroix was born in Montreal, Canada but moved to Sydney, Australia when he was 8 years old. He has achieved a Bachelor of Arts from the University of Sydney and McGill University, Canada, as well as a Masters of Creative Writing from the University of Sydney.

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