Spambot one night stand: My own Ashley Madison scandal

Chris from Newtown used Ashley Madison this one time and all he got out of it was a heated exchange with a spambot….and then the scandal broke.

Like so many others I too was caught up in the midst of the madness that is the Ashley Madison scandal. I liken the experience to that of being at rough gig where you’re content and happily watching from the sidelines and suddenly your mate kicks you into the center of an inescapable mosh pit and while you’re rolling around on the ground fighting for your life being stomped on repeatedly, you catch a glimpse of your friend pointing whilst doubled over with hysterical laughter.

It was just the other day my friend and I had a conversation where I asked him “if someone hacked your iphone and put it on display for the world to see what would you do?” And without skipping a beat he casually says “obviously I’d instantly change my name and start a new life in Melbourne” Upon hearing this reply I was left staring at him from the corner of my eye thinking ” just what in Gods name are you hiding?” And then he fires the same question back at me and I candidly reply ” fake my own death and move to Perth of course.” Needless to say an eerie silence followed after. But it really is just like that.

I recently recall visiting the Apple Store to purchase a macbook. Entering I’m greeted by a young lad with that sickening youthful energy and a hairline so full of bounce that I had to avoid direct eye contact for fear he would catch on to the inconcealable look of disdain in my eyes. As he pitched which Mac would be ideal for me all I could do was imagine a little toy surfer figurine riding in the wave of his parted fringe. Here’s where the Soundcloud comes in. For some reason or another he felt it his duty to help me “navigate” through all the folders of my fresh new computer. “And here is the main control panel and over here is your saved pages e.t.c. And here is …When Harry ate Sally” he mimes the words “good God” to himself as I push his hand aside and click the folder shut. After showing me some new mousepad features he decides it’s pretty important that he recap exactly how to “navigate” our way back to the “saved pages” folder.I tell him that’s not a good idea and he passive aggressively insists that it is a good idea and besides it’s standard procedure and must be done . I instinctively grab his wrist. “Sir my hand is purple, you’re hurting me” “raiders of the lost ass” flashes across the screen as I panic and shout “can we NOT!!! do this” the whole room goes deathly quiet as the music on the loud speaker stops”. Okay well none of that happened but the point is it did in my mind when I saw my Soundcloud details come up. And the paranoia is and should be very real as the Ashley Madison situation unfolds it serves as a warning that it could only be a matter of time before everything we keep tucked away behind a password gets hacked and exposed. See I laughed to myself as I typed in my email to discover if I’d been compromised and the sudden flash of terror hit me. “Oh god… What did I write in my bio?” “Easy going, friendly and down to earth” that’s it? Phew.

I’d dodged a bullet save the fact I’d had a long winded private discussion with a spambot in the hope of organising a one night stand.. I’d escaped lightly but all of this has taught me that I’m too far down the rabbit hole now with the private information I’ve stored to ever make a respectable recovery in the event of a mass scale hacking of the entire population. So no point in censoring myself now, better to just start thinking of a cool new name change.

Editors note: If anyone has been outed as a direct result from the Ashley Madison leak, we want to hear from you. We completely respect your privacy, and your right to remain anonymous throughout. Please contact the Editor at [email protected]

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