Roger Pugh

About Roger Pugh

Following a career that comprised heading up global marketing departments and advertising agencies Roger made a seachange to his hobby of humorous writing by co-founding Political Satire site, Friday Mash. Roger is now the Native Content Director, heading up The Big Smoke’s Creative team and a regular political columnist in both Australian and USA editions of The Big Smoke.

Ex-Prime Ministers; do we still need them, should we still feed them?

With five Prime Ministers in five years, Roger Pugh proposes an elegant solution, getting them back on the streets and becoming useful again.

Australia now has six ex-Prime Ministers in various degrees of going feral. Any government faces formidable challenges, but having to endure the burden of six ex-Prime Ministers constantly carping on about on about how they used to do it better must be a bigger nuisance than the ACTU.

In their haste to stab incumbent prime ministers ruling parliamentary parties failed to take account of the recalcitrant remnants they were creating.

Bob Hawke never relents in his quest to break world speed records for beer imbibition and it seems his canonisation as the Patron Saint of Binge Drinking is only a matter of time.

Paul Keating has been at a complete loss to understand why the country opted for Howard, Rudd, Gillard and Abbott while he was still around. Following his success in running the Hawke government he felt it was only too obvious that he should have been invited to do the same for them.

John Howard is now seeing things with the 20/20 vision he should have had as Prime Minister.

Having applied his initial post-Prime Ministerial period to knifing Julia, Kevin Rudd seems determined to devote his second to becoming Secretary General of the UN and applying his unique megalomaniacal style to running the world. It is perhaps reassuring to note that there are more faceless men at the UN than in the Australian Labor Party.

Julia Gillard is continuing a crusade against misogynism despite the fact her downfall was actually perpetrated by faceless Juliaphobes like Kevin.

Tony Abbott looks likely to spend the next decade destabilising Malcolm and writing books about how he saved Australia from Kevin and Julia. It hasn’t yet sunk in that the only way he’d ever be accepted again as Prime Minister is a threatened invasion by people smugglers or Malcolm turning out to be a closet socialist.

What a kindness it would be to ex-Prime Ministers, not to mention Parliament and the community, if instead of becoming intolerable nuisances their talents were harnessed for the good of mankind.

There is growing support for the concept of an ex-Prime Ministers’ Think Tank. It could be located in some remote corner of Australia like Christmas Island where ideal facilities could shortly become vacant. There they could concentrate happily on the really crucial issues facing Australia without becoming a nuisance to anybody.

Their output of learned papers would be avidly debated in universities and on the ABC leaving the government free to get on with running the country without being obliged to take a blind bit of notice of them.

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