Jordan King Lacroix

Liberal closemindedness proven by science

Sunday Satire: With entitled white narcissism running rampant in the Liberal Party, Jordan King-Lacroix has discovered a study that shows it isn’t their fault…well, not really.

 

An intensive forty-year study has come to a close this year, researching the frame of mind that creates the “entitled white narcissist” attitude that “permeates most of the Liberal party”. Head researcher Dr. Rebecca Chan and her team have made an astounding discovery.

“We started with a small sample group, but it grew to become quite large over time,” Chan said in her report. “What we discovered was that, due to inbreeding in the Upper Middle Class, a lot of minds became warped and twisted over time. This, obviously, has caused a variety of issues.”

The problematic brain modifications are exemplified in minor Liberal party member Alan Sexton. The report reads that his kind of statements are as a result of “projection on a massive scale,” wherein the subject is aware of their intense shortcomings and tries to project them onto another group. This is a more needling form of racism, for the subject is seemingly unaware of their own violent prejudices.

According to secondary team leader Dr. Hank Schweiber, “This is unlike Reclaim Australia, who show level of awareness of their prejudice. Whereas the subjects of the study think their prejudices are too based in fact to be offensive. It’s baffling.”

What also happens as a result of this inbreeding is a retardation in the ability to learn and take in information from credible sources.

“Let me be clear here,” Dr. Chan clarified in her report. “These people are high-functioning. They are, for lack of better words, ‘functionally normal’. There is just a tendency to be unable to absorb even the most basic of socially accepted and scientifically based information.”

The latter explains the common objection to the reality of climate change, whereas the former is demonstrated more in the dropping of racial slurs by someone who should know better, Eric Abetz.

What was more concerning, Chan went on to write, was how much this had infiltrated the Labor Party as well as the mainstream media. Mark Latham and Miranda Devine went on a rant defending Abetz and his use of the word “negro”, extolling its non-offensiveness.

“This was before they just devolved into shouting their own names like chickens for a couple of hours,” Dr. Schweiber said. “Before that, though, they were an ideal example of what we’re talking about.”

The fact that this mental faculty breakdown has become so widespread means that the reclusive inbreeding amongst the white upper middle class was much more prevalent than previously assumed. Therefore, the research parameters were opened further and it revealed a shocking truth.

“It turns out it’s filtered through the majority of both parties,” Dr. Chan revealed, shaking her head with sadness. “It’s basically ruining the entire political system at this point. Their inbred brains just want the power, but once they get there, they have no idea what to do with it and then someone else desires it.”

This is definitely, she concluded, the reason why there have been so many leadership coups. The conclusion was that widening the gene pool would help, but it might take twenty years.

Jordan King Lacroix

Jordan King-Lacroix was born in Montreal, Canada but moved to Sydney, Australia when he was 8 years old. He has achieved a Bachelor of Arts from the University of Sydney and McGill University, Canada, as well as a Masters of Creative Writing from the University of Sydney.

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