Christmas is a time for giving, and as far as Jordan King-Lacroix is concerned, it’s a time to give the marginalised a helping hand. Those poor Christmas musicians.
From around mid-November, every year, not only do the Christmas decorations go up, but the Christmas music begins to play. Day in, day out, until the big day, feet are tapped in familiar merriment, loosed by the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.
And every year, the dirty secret is hidden a little longer.
An endless cavalcade of Christmas classics covered by new and emerging artists, or even Christmas-themed originals, explode from crackled speakers. You’re so busy trying to ignore them that you’re not let into the barest truth, the clandestine operations.
Michael Bublé, Beyoncé, Nat King Cole. Silent Night, White Christmas, It’s beginning to feel a lot like…Torture.
This is only to name a few, and there are many more. These are talented musicians and they are locked into a vicious slavery. That’s right, the Christmas music industry locks these artists into a dangerous cycle of the same thing over and over again.
Around this time of year the joke is made that Michael Bublé emerges from his cave, sings for five weeks, and then returns to his slumber. But this is making light of his hellish situation. He lives in that cave, chained to the walls in unbreakable bonds, and is refused the barest light of day.
When finally December rolls around, he is released into the blaring winter sun, clad only in his signature suit to “maintain his image” and he is paraded like a doll. He is forced to sing Christmas songs until he is blue in the face, and just when he thinks that this year, this year he’ll escape, he is forced back into his hermitage by masked men with assault weapons and contracts.
Do you remember Christmas 2009? Because I do. Even the legendary likes of Bob Dylan were dragged down by the industry. The famously Jewish Dylan (née Robert Zimmerman) released Christmas in the Heart with the single, Must be Santa.
Go on and watch this video.
Yes, that happened.
Look at him closely in that video. It looks like he was rushed through wardrobe and, just off-camera, there’s a man with a gun smiling and nodding. Bob looks so afraid. Afraid of what he has become.
Afraid of what is to come.
Please, we must work against this vile slavery. Slowly but surely every musician will be forced to release a Christmas album or be forced into the wilderness. The Christmas music industry is the NRA of music, and they must be stopped.
These poor people must be set free! End the servitude!