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NYE Resolutions that never happen….

From Maggie Beer to Kinky Friedman, we asked some of our TBS family “What is the one New Years Resolution you always make, but never keep“. Our New Years predictions for 2016 include that some things will happen, and other things won’t – Happy New Year everyone. 

MAGGIE BEER

“To find balance in my life!!! Always trying…”

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TIM FERGUSON

“I vow to slow down, smell the roses, meditate, or something.
But even thinking about that makes me itchy.”

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GRETEL KILLEEN

“For the past twenty years I’ve vowed every year to learn to play the guitar. Last year I finally moved things forward and learnt one chord. Unfortunately I’ve now forgotten it. So my new vow is to learn and REMEMBER how to play the guitar.”

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MAGDA SZUBANSKI

“Hanging up my clothes. I always say I am going to hang up my clothes and they always end up in a pile on the chair”

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JOHN MANGOS

 “I resolved last year to not procrastinate but I put that off until this year, so this year my resolution is to put things off for as long as I can.”

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DERRYN HINCH

“A corny, predictable, but hopefully achievable, NY resolution. Lose weight. Made that resolution for 2014 and lost ten kilos. Cockily made it again for 2015. Not only didn’t lose 10 kilos I put on two. Starting next week — even for Xmas dinner — barbecued prawns, Moreton Bay bugs, and heaps of salads. Happy Xmas, or as they say in Hawaii mele kalikimaka.”

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ALEX GREENWICH

“Regular meditation is the one resolution I struggle to keep – but with a big year ahead in state politics, marriage equality, and local government reform, 2016 is probably the best year to start”

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Rabbi Mendel Kastel

“I would say to learn more and set times for personal learning”

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PAUL CAPSIS

Once I hit middle age, looking in a mirror, I realised that maybe having long hair wasn’t so hot. My wrinkles seem more exasperated, exaggerated, more defined, I looked more like a pale witch. Then I thought ‘whats so bad about looking like a witch? Some of my favourite people
are witches’!! I always say “this year, in the new year, I am going to cut off all my hair. I shall have nice neat short hair”. Then, I am offered a gig, like this New Years eve with Megan Washington or the  concert next year with Austria’s Conchita Wurst at the Sydney Opera House and I think ‘No, I  cant cut it. I need it to look all rock n roll and witchy but then…..Later in the year, I am going to be playing/ channeling Quentin Crisp in the play ‘Resident Alien’ in Melbourne and I will need to  wear a wig and then, even later in the year, I am going to play the lead role in Rumpelstiltskin with a
wig and prosthetics!! I CAN cut off my long hair, if my head is hidden in stage wigs for most of theyear right?…… but then………………..

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KINKY FRIEDMAN

“Coming out of the closet….”

LOS ANGELES, CA: JULY 21, 2010--Richard S. "Kinky" Friedman is an American singer, songwriter, novelist, humorist, politician and former columnist for Texas Monthly who styles himself in the mold of popular American satirists Will Rogers and Mark Twain. He was one of two independent candidates in the 2006 election for the office of Governor of Texas. ( Photo by Kirk McKoy/Los Angeles Times)

ANDREW P STREET

“I’ve given up on New Years Resolutions, with my physique and alcohol intake acting as enduring reminders. So this year I resolve to make some New Years Resolut… meh, who am I kidding?”

Image: Supplied/AnnaKucera

ALEXANDRA TSELIOS, Publisher of The Big Smoke

“To commit to starting and completing one book per week, not messing around with multiple books over many months. This will be my year for a more disciplined book reading strategy!!”459455-9f8f365c-c62d-11e4-b315-22a5c9651e5e

MATHEW MACKIE, Editor of TBS Australia

“To not be shit”

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GREG GERDING, Editor of TBS USA

“To finally write a screenplay!”

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JORDAN RIVKIN

“Stop spending my evenings watching shows like The Wire while simultaneously following their plots on Wikipedia, and actually engage with real human beings.”

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VICTORIA COTMAN

“To get up early so I can have a productive start to the day. It’s a resolution I make every year and… almost every night! Never. Happens.”

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MIKE WELSH

“To dramatically extend my optimism beyond January 4th”

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JORDAN KING LACROIX

“I always promise that I’ll be less lazy and motivate myself more to use my time better and get a bunch of hard to do things done, but it happens so rarely as I become sidetracked and depressed with everything”

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CHETNA PRAKASH

“To be zen about my partner Sid’s untidiness”

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SAM BLACKER

“See family more, get a better dress sense, save more money, get fit. All the ones that I’ve repeatedly failed at”

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SEAN CARMICHAEL

“The one I kept this year: no maccas for 12 months. #bestresolutionever”

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GRANT SPENCER

“To lose weight. Shit hasn’t happened for years.”

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TANYA RICHES

“Every year I promise myself that I will give myself electronics-free days, but then I realize that the idea sucks”

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Roger Pugh

“On New Year’s Eve I always resolve to start taking Tim Flannery more seriously.”

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KATE TURNER

“That I will start knocking back the dates I get asked out on…am just flooded with homies digging this (points at self) Nah, umm…Diet Coke…I can’t quit that evil delish shizzle”

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TANYA LEVIN

“Every year I know that I will be UNRECOGNISABLE after January because of the life changing health regime that I will undertake. Every February I am completely recognisable”

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JOSH SHIPTON

“To stay out of hospital and have less Sex…”

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BRONTE O’BRIEN

“I made a firm decision to stop making resolutions many years ago, precisely because I could never keep them.”

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KATHRYN STEDMAN

“Every year I promise myself that I am going to bulk up (i.e. stop being so thin), be less organised (I’m such a neat freak) and earn less money (so I can relate to the average person) but every year I fail…oh wait, I’ve got it the wrong way around.”

Kathryn Stedman

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TBS Likes is a strange place where anything goes. Like International Waters, or Christmas morning after the shine has worn off and the booze has kicked in. May the ugliness commence.

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