Sweet vindication! To all those who have fallen victim to the dreaded man-flu, know that it was an entirely legitimate complaint. Thanks, science!
To all you non-believers. To all those titans, to all those labourers, to those white collarers, to those beset by a lack of ambition. We were right. To all of us who have been unified under one banner of marginalisation. “Oh…babe, you just can’t hack it…” A generation of strong-shouldered, weak jawed, acerbic, dense, deep and dithered; all collectively crushed by a condition we knew to be true, without any evidence to supply it…
It exists. And it’s been proven by science.
According to science, the propensity for men to fall victim to the most horrible of afflictions stems from our lack of oestrogen. The female hormone apparently reduces the replication of influenza cells. Hence, the lack of, kills us. A fact proved by the American Journal of Physiology—Lung Cellular and Molecular Physiology, not us.
Even if those studies are incomplete, or may turn out to be false, it’s irrelevant.
Man-flu is now a bonafide excuse.
It’s not our fault. The things we did, yes, but not this.
So, lads, proudly cough, splutter, wheeze, bitch, moan, whine, exaggerate, complain, pine, blame, swear, cark it, cease, expire, fade and kick the bucket safe in the knowledge that it’s not our fault. It exists. Pity us. Please.
I know there are more important diseases to solve. But man-flu is a disease that doesn’t discriminate. This is a disease that matters. At least to us.
Until we get over it. Which will be never.