In our new segment, Bianca Farmakis will be dimming the light show that is pop culture. First up: get your bingo cards ready, it’s faux pas awards season!
Life is filled with those harrowing moments where you stop speaking eloquently and jam your foot in your mouth. With the highly anticipated annual award season already off to an extravagant, c-bomb, Schumer-shitstorm start, it’ll be interesting to see who’s shoving a pair of Christian Louboutins or Valentinos into their mouth at the 88th annual Academy Awards.
Even the brightest of stars have been known to pollute the Hollywood night sky with vexatious speeches upon accepting their awards. The Academy Awards remain so highly anticipated each year due to their clear manifestation of poise, elegance and celebration of sheer talent, spilled over an incomprehensibly lavish event in which mere mortals are shooed away from the A-Listers like Jehovah’s witnesses from a doorstep.
As we sit in front of our respective streaming mediums, we celebrate the glitz, the glam and a stellar performance in front of the camera. We admire the godlike presence of our favourite nominee.
But we also wait, for them to prove that underneath the Givenchy and the Chanel, below the highest income earner threshold bracket, the stars really are “just like us” and say just as much dumb shit as we do, even in their finest hours.
So here are two things we’ve learnt that not even the stars can get away with.
Anything racist (given)
Thankfully to this date, Academy Award speeches have more or less kept any forms of racism, prejudice and general negative commentary strictly off the red carpet. Even at this year’s Golden Globes, Mel Gibson delivered a nice “Shalom” – said on behalf of Ricky Gervais.
That’s mostly due to the fact that Donald Trump is yet to be nominated for Outstanding Performance in a Leading Role for the film Trump: The 2016 Elections, probably because comedies are rarely honoured by the academy.
Any swear word that doesn’t begin with one of the letters in “AWARD” have all made (somewhat) acceptable appearances in Academy Award speeches, with nothing more than a slight flinch of Meryl Streep’s The Devil Wears Prada scowl caught close up.
However, with the recent c-bomb drop from Amy Schumer at the Golden Globes, Cate Blanchett and Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ look of complete disgust shows that A-List foul mouths will still be judged for swearing by other A-List people. Drop 10 percent of Trainwreck’s first weekend gross in the swear jar!
Anything lame and desperate
It doesn’t matter how rich and famous you are, you can still be a complete dork. Sally Field, we do like you. We really, like you. And if you weren’t so terribly cute and adorable, you would have looked plain old lame.
Or lamé as Derek Zoolander might say.
This year’s Academy Awards should promise nothing less than the brief moments of celebrity vernacular folly, and one can only sit back and predict not only the winners, but those who will make it more memorable.
Perhaps Cate Blanchett will finally drop that f-bomb in a speech, seeing as she’s felt comfortable using it in her recent interviews.
Maybe Quentin Tarantino will interrupt Alejandro González Iñárritu to say that George Miller’s Mad Max was the greatest film of all time (of all time!).
Quite possibly, if successful on his fifth nomination, we won’t only get to hear Leo finally make a speech, but even see him let out the repressed sobs of the past four losses during his 30-second window.