- We fell out of love with Holden because it fell out of love with us
- The pointlessness of social media’s partisanship
- Science thinks you’ve already peaked, sorry
- Sacking volunteer firefighters, limiting free speech: Who the bloody hell are we?
- The invention of pizza was cooked up on a base of lies (and sauce)
We’re calling last drinks for Mike Baird in the Court of Public Opinion this week and we’re all set to lock him out of the decision-making process for his punishment.
All rise and be seated for the Honourable TBS Commentor Justice Michael Mansour who earnestly decreed the fate of last week’s defendant, the High Court of Australia. Judge Mansour ruled in favour of the High Count, stating:
“I would give them an award. Nothing they did was illegal, no matter what the bleeding hearts say.”
Onto the next case. The man who stands accused is NSW Premier Mike Baird, in response his Facebook post proclaiming that his stringent lock-out laws have solved the issue of alcohol-fuelled violence.
The crime: Delusion and statistical laundering of the first degree.
The punishment: The defendant will hereby serve out the duration of his sentence through a Community Service program chosen by the court. Mr Baird will be required to perform the duties of a club spruiker (10pm-4am), distributing marketing pamphlets outside establishments of varying repute on Darlinghurst Street. If Mr Baird fails to bring any customers into his designated establishment(s) during his required hours, that day will not count toward his sentence.
NB: The court is not required to afford Mr Baird protection, as it is an entirely safe environment – Adam
Ahoy TBS jurors! Can you think of a fitting punishment for Casino Mike? If so, pop it in the comment section below.
Best punishment bags you the honourable (and printed) title of Kangaroo Court Judge for next week! (It’d look good on the res!)