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Missed out on today’s shenanigans due to work? We sent intern Kate Turner to cover the Awards in its entirety, from the red carpet to Leo’s Oscar.
The 88th Academy Awards red carpet
Let’s cut straight to it and whip off the icing on the “Look at me, I’m important” cake, and viciously judge the best and the absolute worst of the night.
In my opinion, the best was Olivia Wilde. She looked effortlessly flawless in a white pleated backless dress, pulled together with a choker, replete with a braided updo adding side and front boob. Stunning!
The worst of the night goes to two ladies. I’m sorry, Heidi Klum and Whoopi Goldberg. But good lord. Both were wearing what could certainly be the curtain from someone’s lounge room, sewn together by a blind person that has lost hope.
To give an overall vista, the red carpet had some stunners; the key theme traipsed between the confusing opposites of “simple” and “goddess.” Though most were looking like skeletons adorned in sequins and fake smiles, eyes reading a look that said get your feet of my fucking dress.
As usual, the men looked like sexy penguins.
I was hoping for an Angelina leg moment but was let down.
The 88th Academy Awards ceremony
We opened with a big rainbow coloured of glittering fizz. A classic celluloid fare of dancing around the golden actor himself, a score playing which was reminiscent of an old musical movie soundtrack, dragging us into a world of excitement, magic and captivation. A veneer immediately shattered by the host’s opening monologue. Chris Rock smacked us all in the face with some truths, making fun of the whole recent racial ordeal and lack of diversity surrounding the award show. So let me take you through some of his best lines and best moments of the night. There was a lot. In fact, the whole show was a hilarious satire of itself, but here we go.
Rock started off by mocking his hosting gig, that if they nominated hosts for the Oscars, he wouldn’t get the job…cause of white Oscars…and he’s black! Likening it to if racism was like a sorority “We like you Rhonda, but you’re not a Kappa.” He added that for a while he thought about quitting the gig, but if he quit, it didn’t mean they’d cancel the show.
He blasted Jada Smith for boycotting the awards, likening it to him boycotting Rihanna’s panties, meaning he wasn’t even invited. Burn! He also made stated that the memorial video will just be of black people who got shot by cops en route to the cinema. It wasn’t, and David Grohl covered The Beatles’ Blackbird whilst we saw the great entertainers who had passed this last year.
Chris Rock then shared his favourite Oscar nominated deleted scenes, hilariously digitally inserting Whoopi Goldberg as the janitor in Joy, Saturday Night Live star Leslie Jones in place of the bear, Tracey Morgan playing the Danish girl, and Chris Rock playing Matt Damon’s role in The Martian.
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Sorry. Mad Max brutally invaded the Oscars this year, so no wonder Mad Max’s sound editing duo, Mark Mangini and David (white whom I’m pretty sure were drunk off their skunks) gave us our most Australian moment when they capped the end of their speech yelling “Yeah Aussies, yeah!!”
Reminiscent of Ellen DeGeneres handing out pizza to the actors mid-show from yesteryear, Chris Rock demanded the crowd buy his daughter’s Girl Guide cookies as he sent them around with baskets to collect the money. “Come on Leo, you make $30 million!”
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) February 29, 2016
Side note, he stopped the show to calculate Hollywood’s forced generosity, which came to a (paltry) $65,234!
And just to add some depression, we were reminded that the original Toy Story is now 20 years old. Not cool, Oscars.
All of the above was great but paled in comparison to the most outstanding moment of the show, in my opinion. Current VP Joe Biden gave us an epic speech against domestic and sexual abuse and urged us to intervene if we suspect something. This was followed by a heartfelt performance by Lady Gaga with ‘Til it Happens to You, with survivors coming out hand in hand to take a stand.
Overall, we all learnt some truths, had a laugh and thanked God because Leo finally won a f*cking Oscar!
The winners in their entirely are listed below:
Best Original Screenplay
Spotlight – Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer
Best Adapted Screenplay
The Big Short – Charles Randolph and Adam McKay
Best Supporting Actress
The Danish Girl – Alicia Vikander
Mad Max: Fury Road – Jenny Beavan
Mad Max: Fury Road – Colin Gibson and Lisa Thompson
Achievement in Make-up and Hair Styling
Mad Max: Fury Road – Lesley Vanderwalt, Elka Wardega, Damien Martin
The Revenant – Emmanuel Lubezki
Achievement in film editing
Mad Max: Fury Road – Margaret Sixel
Achievement in sound editing
Mad Max: Fury Road – Mark Mangini and David White
Mad Max: Fury Road – Chris Jenkins, Gregg Rudloff, Ben Osmo
Animated short film
Bear Story – Gabriel Osorio, Pato Escala
Animated feature film
Inside Out – Pete Docter and Jonas Rivera
Best supporting actor
Bridge of Spies – Mark Rylance
Best documentary short film
A Girl in the River – Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy
Best Documantary feature
Amy – Asif Kapadia and James Gay-Rees
Live action short film
Best foreign language film
Son of Saul
Best original score
The Hateful Eight – Ennio Morricone
Achievement in directing
The Revenant – Alejandro G Inarritu
Room – Brie Larson
The Revenant – Leonardo DiCaprio