Andrew Wicks

About Andrew Wicks

Andrew Wicks is a country boy with a penchant for movies and sport. After a few years working in health, he decided he'd rather work with today's youth and studied arts and education in rural NSW. His main interests are religion, health and lairy shirts.

Approx Reading Time-10The future of love is here, and its weird. With P*rnhub’s announcement of VR smut, we say it’s time to go outside. (SFW)

 

 

Right. It’s come to this. I welcome the proliferation of technology in society, and I thought Her was one of the most beautiful artistic depictions of love in the filum game.

But both together, with me the meat in the electronic sandwich?

For that, I say a very awkward, ehhh.

P*rnhub have announced a merger with VR filth-wizards BaDoinkVR (!) to bring us ‘360-Degree immersive erotica’. The VP of P*rnhub, Corey Price, released a statement saying that “Virtual reality is the next phase in the constantly metamorphosing world of adult entertainment, and will provide users with a mesmeric experience unlike anything they’ve seen before”. They’ve even released an entirely safe-for-work, but borderline pseudo-infomercial to make rigid their claims.

Great. Wait, no.

Why can I not finish the lunch I’m trying to eat? The whole thing seems…not right.

I’m not a snob, I’ve done fun stuff, but I’m maybe protective of my naive assumptions about what Virtual Reality can be. When the possibility of it was rumoured , the potential applications of VR blew my tiny mind.

You mean you can walk around places, like real life? Wow.

Through the headset of hindsight, it was childish to think that it wouldn’t end up below the equator, but nonetheless, I wanted to see the Grand Canyon.

Not that other type.

Let’s get Dr Phil real here. If you’re ready for Virtual Reality erotica, I think it’s time to have a big-boy go. You, know, Analog Erotica. I’ve tasted the fruits of disappointment, and the wasted Saturday Nights in pursuit of it, but the alternative may be worse. There is no secretary.

P*rnhub plans to launch the program compatible with the most popular VR headsets (Google Cardboard, Samsung Gear VR, Oculus Rift) which means VR gaming will run alongside it.

Brasstacks. What the fuck. I’m worried about the societal compatibility issues.

Hey, Pendlebury, brah, we’re VR gaming tonight, want in? You can use my headset, saul good. 

Yeah, Nah. It’d be like. Well, you know. *Raises eyebrows*. Imagine if you stumble into that virtual room your friend has? I have no idea what floats my mate’s boat, and I certainly don’t want to live it.

Welcome back, Brad. *Electronic drill whirrs*

Shudder.

While the technology is undoubtedly in its infancy, I’m unsure how much of the experience is involved during the electronic exchange, but in order to be truly immersive, there’d have to be the grating awkwardness, the ennui, the sobered realities faced and the raft of short apologies.

Now that’s sex.

 

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