We love exposing the weak in the world. This week it included the Pope in the US primaries. Let’s all point and laugh quietly amongst ourselves.
A Letter To America – Roger Pugh
We’re fascinated down here by the Pope popping up so regularly in your primaries.
Bernie’s just fronted the Vatican for a Papal quasi-endorsement and we’re very interested in whether Hillary will follow suit. Most commentators believe she will be obliged to make her confessions to the FBI instead.
If the Pope publishes an encyclical about the primaries, however, it seems likely that Bernie would be the main beneficiary and Trump would be damned as the anti-Christ. And by supporting a secular Jew from Brooklyn he couldn’t be accused of being overly religious.
The interesting question is whether the Pope’s blessing offers an advantage for Presidential candidates and whether Trump’s policies would benefit the US more than those of His Holiness.
Following the Pope’s anti-Trump tirades during his pilgrimage to South America Donald’s poll numbers went up by two points clearly indicating that Republicans prefer the gospel according to him.
So it’s possible that the Pope’s kind words for Bernie could be just what Hillary needs to clinch the nomination. The Pontiff has had so many cardinal sins to deal with recently he’ll probably be inclined to leave Hillary’s to the FBI.
On the other hand, it is fascinating to speculate whether Trump could do a better job in the Vatican than the Pope. There aren’t many women around for him to outrage and the joint is surrounded by walls to keep Muslims and Mexicans out.
If however Trump himself expressed the view that the Pope wasn’t the right person to lead the Catholic Church it could arguably be the greatest boost to Roman Catholicism since Henry the Eighth.
Perhaps all of us including the Pope and Ted Cruz should accept that the church and politics don’t mix and if you keep faith with one it’s impossible to have any of it left for the other.
And now it seems absolutely certain that when the Second Coming finally happens he or she won’t be a politician.
Meanwhile in Europe – Mathew Mackie
Ah, Northern Ireland. A magical place where their flag that dances to the wind, but is prone to dance vast missteps. Be it the construction of the Titanic, the tainted genius of George Best, or a migratory family bound for Australia (in chains) that wore the surname ‘Mackie’. Those catastrophic failures of yore pale in comparison to what is afoot on the Northern tip of emerald isle.
The abortion issue in Northern Ireland is a simple one. You can’t have it. It is looked up in the most absolutes of illegality. In fact, the courts of NI are free to inflict the harshest penalties within the tapestry of Europe, as the UK (and Scotland) wide legal decree that legalises abortion up to 24 weeks does not apply within her borders. Thusly, the travel of women to other parts of the UK to avoid penal punishment is commonplace.
This long burning conversational bonfire was furthered by the application of petroleum with the conviction of a 21-year-old woman caught using the outlawed contraband (re: abortion pills), after facing court, she received a suspended sentence.
Strangely, the outcome of the case has emboldened both sides of the argument. While Amnesty International has condemned the law, and the actions of the court, treating the woman as a criminal, the other side of the conservational blade was equally pointy, with Precious Life director Bernadette Smyth stating:
‘Precious Life is very shocked that this judge’s sentencing was so manifestly lenient in respect of such a serious crime, and is very concerned that this court judgement could set a very dangerous precedent for similar cases.’
Bernadette will be now applying to the Court of Appeal, seemingly in an effort to enact a harsher penalty, and thanks to the law being etched in 1861 (The Offences Against The Third Person Act), the maximum punishment for this crime is death.
The law will again be testing prior to any spurious appeal, with a Mother facing the courts for procuring the pills on behalf of her daughter.
May a sensible governmental hand land there soon.
The Weak In US Politics
Heard at Cruz’s campaign HQ
“Do you think Ted’s Cuban heritage could be an advantage with Hispanics?”
“Possibly but we’d better check first whether he’s related to the Castros.”
Heard at Republican Party HQ
“Why does Bernie remind you of Fagin?”
“Well the old Jew from Brooklyn seems just as likely to have his hand in your pocket as the old Jew from London.”
Heard in a Wisconsin diner
“Do you think it’s still possible that Kasich could become President?”
“Only if Trump has a bad hair day, Hillary loses the debate with the FBI, God gives up on Cruz and Bernie passes his use-by date.”
Heard at a Beverley Hills hairdresser
“Have you made a contribution to any candidate in the primaries?”
“No, but I’m willing to support any people smuggler who promises to make them all go away”
Heard in Congress
“Do you think Cruz is more representative of the Republican establishment than Trump?”
“I think Hillary is more representative of the Republican establishment than Trump.”
Heard at Sanders campaign HQ
“Do you think we could promote Bernie as a sex symbol among older people?”
“We’d need an endorsement from Viagra to give it any credibility.”
The Weak in Aussie Politics
Heard at the Australian Banking Association
“Bill Shorten wants to put us in front of a Royal Commission.”
“That’s probably because he enjoyed the experience so much he wants to share it with others.”
Heard at the Department of Foreign Affairs
“Channel 9 made a huge misjudgement over that kidnapping in Lebanon.”
“I know they should have got the Israelis to do it.”
Heard down the Canberra corridors of power
“Will Clive be re-contesting the seat of Fairfax?”
“No, he’ll be replaced by Terry Smith”
Heard in the Greens’ caucus room
“Malcolm’s saying that Australia has got to start living within its means”
“How ridiculous that kind of dinosaur thinking went out with Peter Costello”
Heard at the Department of Immigration
“Why is the intake of Syrian refugees taking so long?”
“After they encountered Peter Dutton on his Middle East trip they began to have second thoughts.”
Heard in a Melbourne pub
“What’s to become of Clive’s business empire?”
“Parts of it will soon start washing up on islands in the Indian Ocean alongside MH 370.”