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While you were Asleep: Turnbull-Jones II, Cosby marks court date in calendar, Kardashian becomes Kardashian

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Approx Reading Time-10Good morning! What happened after the sandman visited you? Well, Turnbull and Alan Jones play nice and someone changed their name back to their other name.

 

Turnbull vs Jones II won’t be a “brawl,” will fight under proper sanctions

These guys are going to punch on, eh. According to Twitter, the much vaunted Malcolm Turnbull vs Alan Jones return bout is confirmed to not be a brawl, but to be fought properly, much to the chagrin of those who have purchased tickets.

At the breakfast weigh-in, the pugilist in the red corner dropped this bombshell to the massed media:

Which enabled the following tweet:

The return bout…screw it. We get the schtick. They’re going to punch on in the carpark to see who wins the election. We understand politics.

Anyway, the original stoush between the two, which degenerated into a malaise of name calling (bomb thrower) and abject denial (I’m not abusing you) is destined to repeat this morning on 2GB, with the focus set to be on the issues, not the men.

Some in the media have anointed the move as a metaphor for the flagging nature of those who wave the coalition colours, whereas those lurking in the back of the crowd are merely just pushing those in front, yelling “Ooh, hit him.”

Early on, seeking an impartial judge (namely Twitterer @1Swinging_Voter – seems legit), the verdict be:

 

Cosby deemed fit to stand trial, witnesses say the darndest things

Everyone’s least favourite family favourite, Bill Cosby, will be heading back to the dock, and too the media spotlight as he answers for his actions regarding a 2004 felony sexual assault charge.

If found guilty, Cosby faces 10 years of jumpsuits and regimented breakfasts. Of course, Cosby is innocent until proven guilty, but in the court of public opinion, he surely should pack his bags for the glue factory. Unless the 50-odd accusers have the most watertight conspiracy this side of the other lads in the JFK pickle, the arraignment on July 20 will be Cosby’s last episode.

Here’s a rather aesthetically pleasing chart of those purported victims via the Washington Post:

 

Kardashian changes name back to Kardashian, all life on earth at risk

And yea, she came down from Mount Hollywood with a proclamation. In her hand a branded tablet (sponsored), she claimed the rules in which life shall be different, and how one shall be addressed, hath one be sent to the sulphurous pit of litigious action.

Much like the premise of Highlander or the flavourless chip, Jenner has claimed that she is the “Original Kardashian.” What this means, I don’t know. I presumed maybe she’d have to call the gas company to swap the name over on the account, but clearly, I’m uneducated as there is more to this.

 

 

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