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While you were asleep: France down Romania in Euro opener, Harry Potter gives back owls, vast job losses predicted in mining

Potter

Approx Reading Time-10Morning, poppet. What happened while you were snoozing? The Euro opener gave us a Golazo, Harry Potter gave back his owls and the mining sector is set to give staff the heave-ho.

 
 

 

Payet bombs in worldie to push hosts past rigid Gypsies.

If the above sentence makes no sense whatsoever, then get ready for a vast re-education in the shallow subtleties of football. Last night the #EURO2016 kicked off in France, with the hosts taking on Romania. The winner of the tournament, incidentally, gets to leave the EU.

Now, on paper (or measuring GDP) the Romanians should have been thrashed. The French sport the most impressive collection of midfield generals seen since The Battle of Formignybut still the Romanians resisted.

So, boredom set in early in the first half:

But that’s before historical greatness descended upon the shoulders of those who witnessed it in the sixty-third minute. The Greatest Piece of Commentary Evah™ was unfurled at our unwashed feet, when the Romanians were awarded a penalty:

I thought he wasn’t going to give it, but he has.

Transformative. Anyway, less yapping more highlightin’

 

Potter play chooses to not use live owls, theatre realism takes another blow.

Realism in the theatre is a marvellous thing. I was lucky enough to see a drenched Geoffrey Rush hold a bit of tinsel in front of a wind machine and the STC, and it was superb. While I was quite lubricated at the time, I felt I was on the moors with him. And you can’t buy that. (Because I went for free.)

Anyhoo, The Cursed Child, the next instalment in the Odyssey o’ Potter, has seen a decision made to ban the usage of live owls in the show, after one flew the coop. In an effort to remain neutral, PETA have applauded the move. Conversely, I can assume that the wonderment would be curtailed somewhat by the delivery of the oft-desired Hogwarts admission notice by a dead-eyed stagehand, not an owl with an aunt’s name.

 

Mining boom curtains, NAB predict job losses of 50k.

Well, you might say, it was fun while it lasted. Made some cash, bought those golf clubs and/or had your wife interfered with by the rakish FIFO set. However, there be a vacuum afoot. And as far as sucking power goes, it is a Dyson level of sucking.

Have a grand Saturday. I’m going back to bed.

 

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