I’ve recently discovered that I have fat on my vulva, but that reductive surgery is a popular option. Too much information? Yeah. I’m living it.
I just Googled fat vagina. Yep, I’m carrying weight on my vulva. WTF!
How does that even happen? One minute you have a mons pubis you could crack eggs on and then before you know it you’re in the more hopeless aisles of Google.
But while I am shocked and a little freaked out at my current battle of the bulge, it would appear (according to Google at least) it’s real thing, with headlines like:
“Do you have a fat vulva? How to lose vagina fat fast?”
And this necklaces of hopeless gems:
“Why more women than ever are getting their vaginas done”, “vaginal rejuvenation”,”labiaplasty” or a “facelift for your junk”.
Surgery? Isn’t there a green smoothie that could do the trick?
And then to rub salt into the wound, Google suggests it’s an indication I have fat elsewhere on my body.
Okay, I have a muffin top made up of far too many wines and Long Island Iced Teas over summer but despite still hanging on by a thread to a size 12 (which I don’t think is large), I can grab more fat on my vagina than I can my muffin top.
If this is part of ageing, then the Big Fella is having a laugh.
He’s already given me a lady moustache and beard that requires constant maintenance, pubic hair that has slowly grown to my thighs and behind my knees, so do I really need a fat vagina to add to my woes?
Plus, unruly pubic and facial hair is easy to tidy up before a romantic night with your man, but I find my FUPA (fat upper pubic area) embarrassing.
However, like the perfect husband he is, he assures me it’s not an issue. I did ask him to examine it recently, from a scientific perspective, and he suggested I had swollen glands.
I love him.
And I totally agreed (of course) but now I think it’s mirror of truth time. I can’t even wear a skirt without the bulge showing. Spanx work to suck the muffin top in but I am sure it accentuates my downstairs problem even more.
While I’ve embraced pretty much every change to my body over the years, I am struggling with my FUPA. I’m hoping, surely, that there are some practical suggestions out there other than surgery?