Kim Napier

What they don’t tell you about ageing: I’m carrying weight on my vulva


Approx Reading Time-10I’ve recently discovered that I have fat on my vulva, but that reductive surgery is a popular option. Too much information? Yeah. I’m living it. 


I just Googled fat vagina. Yep, I’m carrying weight on my vulva. WTF!

How does that even happen? One minute you have a mons pubis you could crack eggs on and then before you know it you’re in the more hopeless aisles of Google.

But while I am shocked and a little freaked out at my current battle of the bulge, it would appear (according to Google at least) it’s real thing, with headlines like:

“Do you have a fat vulva? How to lose vagina fat fast?”

And this necklaces of hopeless gems:

“Why more women than ever are getting their vaginas done”, “vaginal rejuvenation”,”labiaplasty” or a “facelift for your junk”.

Surgery? Isn’t there a green smoothie that could do the trick?

And then to rub salt into the wound, Google suggests it’s an indication I have fat elsewhere on my body.

Okay, I have a muffin top made up of far too many wines and Long Island Iced Teas over summer but despite still hanging on by a thread to a size 12 (which I don’t think is large), I can grab more fat on my vagina than I can my muffin top.

If this is part of ageing, then the Big Fella is having a laugh.

He’s already given me a lady moustache and beard that requires constant maintenance, pubic hair that has slowly grown to my thighs and behind my knees, so do I really need a fat vagina to add to my woes?

Plus, unruly pubic and facial hair is easy to tidy up before a romantic night with your man, but I find my FUPA (fat upper pubic area) embarrassing.

However, like the perfect husband he is, he assures me it’s not an issue. I did ask him to examine it recently, from a scientific perspective, and he suggested I had swollen glands.

I love him.

And I totally agreed (of course) but now I think it’s mirror of truth time. I can’t even wear a skirt without the bulge showing. Spanx work to suck the muffin top in but I am sure it accentuates my downstairs problem even more.

While I’ve embraced pretty much every change to my body over the years, I am struggling with my FUPA. I’m hoping, surely, that there are some practical suggestions out there other than surgery?


Kim Napier

Kim Napier is an award winning Radio Announcer and Journalist with a career in media spanning 25 years, her experience also extends to Freelance Writing and Voiceover work, Television, Marketing and Social Media.

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