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While you were asleep: Shorten takes to showering, Apple plants the seed of doubt, Italy shock Belgium

Approx Reading Time-10Morrrnniinggg. What happened while you were asleep? Well, Bill Shorten went the full Oprah and Italy took the jam out of Belgium’s croissant.

 

 

Bill Shorten offers everything on QandA, nation narrows eyes in suspicion.

The Australian voting public is much like a foster cat. If you shower us with Fancy Feast we’re going to assume that someone spit in it. And so it goes with Bill Shorten, who pulled back the lid and banged the tin last night, when he offered the voting public what they most covet. Everything.

Shorten promised to let journalists back into asylum seeker camps, Internet that could outrun a horse, university free of HECS debt, gender equality and the long awaited Indigenous treaty.

So, the question is, Billiam, as we upturn our nose at your cobbled treats placed before us, what’s wrong with them?

As this level minded sport indicates, we’re unsure Bill. Just be cool.

 

Apple’s keynote launches giant cheque feature, the golf world calls the lawyers.

If you missed Apple’s keynote speech (like the rest of us), here’s a quick refresher of all the new features that you will have no choice but to accept.

There you are. Any questions?

Jokes, and some minor kiddings. There’s two features that are actually quite decent; app downloads will now go to your Apple TV, and also this:

 

The Irish draw the Swedes with the fountain pen of incompetence, Italy remove glitter from the fancy pants of the Belgians.

A draw. Bugger it. In a reverse befitting the inane lengthened warblings of James Joyce, the Irish scored twice, but once in their own onion bag attempting to silence the one man band that is Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s Sweden.

Terrible result, but before the game, it got far worse.

NB: The following clip is not suitable for children, or those with a propensity to recall annoying songs

The 2016 Belgian team is the most talented, yet underperforming Belgian team since the last one. Sporting an Olympic swimming pool of talent, the Italians ruthlessly piddled in the deep end, via two strikes from two Premier League nobodies, the points secured by Pelle. No, not that one.

With the Belgians now to face the Irish, and someone else, the path to the next round has some bindis on it. While they should still go through, for today at least, let us enjoy the sunshine in Divock Origi’s dial.

 

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