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While you were asleep: Nation cares not for Leaders debate, Russia unfairly banned from Rio, Croatia references Disco

Approx Reading Time-12Morning! What happened with you were asleep? Well, two gladiators fought it out on social media, Russia won’t follow Peter Allen and Croatia popped on its flares.

 

Third Fed Election debate fought. For what they do in social media, echoes in election-ternity.

The gladiatorial squabble held deep in the unreasonable coliseum of moronic detraction (social media) was loosed upon the baying eyes of the commonwealth last eve. But there were no lions present (there was a man named Joe, however), nor was there great enthusiasm from the crowd, who laconically gave the thumbs up, not to endorse the kill, but to make the pain stop.

In the midst of this apathy, there was a fight. Two bronzed warriors of political discourse, their verbal blades sharpened to a rusted sheen, both enamored by the knowledge that one of them will be fed grapes by the giggling swing voters when the feast (feed) was complete.

The question was ‘who’

Problem was, we’ve seen these two before.

Malxius Turnbullius (father to a murdered party, husband to a successful businesswoman) was unable to wrest free from the net (NBN) thrown from the calloused hands of Shortus, but there no trident thrust into the breast, and thusly, neither warrior was left bleeding on the jagged shale on the banks of the stream.

The victor, probably Shortus. But the real question was:

The answer, is no.

 

IOC ban Russia from Rio 2016, detractors forget to remember history

Over on the Twittersphere, certain Australian media outlets are screaming red outrage about the Russian Olympic team, namely how they ‘cheats’ ‘connivers’ and/or bastards. And that they may be, maybe. But perhaps not.

You see what we have here, is a failure to recognise the past. State-sponsored doping is part of the Olympic program in Russia, because its track record is beyond question. As our Olympic program is run on halcyon dreams of ancient achievement, theirs is anabolic steroids. Hear me out, because hidden among the wobbling, is a truth-bomb. Russia doping athletes is a tradition, long before the wall came down, and the change of ideology that came with it. The 1980 Moscow Olympics may well have been the genesis, with the US deciding to boycott the games, as 64 other nations followed the cool kids out of the classroom. Left with the shameful prospect of putting on a dour athletic exhibition, the Russians (Soviets) did they only thing they could do. Make with the steroids. Now, I don’t blame them at all, they weren’t afforded the luxuries that we had in 2000 (Lawn-mower dancing, Nikki Webster), they had to construct their own narrative, and complete buff domination of their home Olympics was indeed that. So, yes, they danced more gold than the stereotypical prospector of yore, but it was because they had bugger all else. With the ambitious, yet unrealised Soviet economic reform plan of ’79 unfulfilled, they decided to forget about said economic worries with hard drugs.

We’ve all been there.

Anyway, long story short. The IOC have banned Russia tut-de-suite, and in response, the Russian Ministry of Sport said this:

We at TBS have long (and apathetically) pawed the drum to allow drugs in sport, lets not yet a small group of clean athletes ruin it for everybody else.

#DrugsForRio

 

The myth of Zlatan dispelled, Croatia references the world of disco.

Prior to the commencement of violence and beauty that is Euro 2016, the collectively held mantra was that we all dared to ‘Zlatan’. The self-styled impresario, not short of quote nor medal was set to carry his modestly talented Scandinavian team-mates to the nether realms of success, marvelling at the ambrosia of his genius.

But, the dour Sydney morning brings dour realisation. Those who have dared to Zlatan, probably shouldn’t have.

Let us pause and remember the good times.

Incidentally, Sweden lost 1-0 to Italy, via a winding traipse from the very un-Italian sounding Eder. Although, if you say it in an Italian accent, it works.

Excellent pronunciation.

Meanwhile, Croatia has done a collection of rather silly things. They’ve a) squandered a two goal lead b) been a bunch of clowns and c) brought disco back.

Leading 2-0, the Croatians decided to give them back (and ruin our multi), thanks to a very very late, and very FIFA-ish 94th-minute penalty. Now, we enjoy mirth as much as the next publication, but this isn’t cool, brah:

And Finally, Spain did Spain things, en route to dispatching Turkey 3-0. We could show you the goals, but these graphs explain it.

Oh, go on then.

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TBS Likes is a strange place where anything goes. Like International Waters, or Christmas morning after the shine has worn off and the booze has kicked in. May the ugliness commence.

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