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While you were asleep: Turnbull answers familiar questions, England continue tradition, I am the #WALRUS and love wins, tells bigots what to do

Approx Reading Time-10Morning, love. What happened while you were asleep? Well Malcolm appeared on QandA, England played like England, and love won.




Turnbull appears on QandA, nation gets nostalgic.

In the immortal words of Dennis Denuto: it was the vibe of the thing. There was nothing outright hostile regarding Malcolm Turnbull’s appearance on QandA last night, but it was, the uh…vibe. The smiling faces of the audience had the same twinkle in the eye when the substitute teacher walked into class and introduced herself.

Turnbull fielded questions about Corey Bernardi, Tony Abbott’s record of breaking electoral promises, the same-sex marriage plebiscite and the cuts to the art sector. All important issues, sure, but did we not already bring those points up six months ago?


England keep great tradition of mediocrity alive with goalless draw.

It must be hard being English. For a country that once boasted a moustache that stretched around the five continents, the modern-day Englishman can look upon the jewels of a history won by musket and toffery, and glumly weep into lagers.

But at least they have football, right?

Wellll…much like the great wordsmiths and warmongers of the past, no. Ever since they won the World Cup at home, in front of Liz, in ’66, it’s been a rainy night in Dover. However, much like Beatlemania, or Dunkirk, the failures of the previous event are washed away by a wave of hand-wringing optimism.

And so it was in the run-up to Euro 2016. England were again favoured to not be English. But, you can’t ignore tradition, can you my pedigree chums, for that’s what it’s there for, yeah?

England: 0 – Slovakia; 0.


Elsewhere, Wales beat Russia in the battle of the unspellable lexicon, Top Group.

In the other corner of Group B, we have Wales. A country most famous for doing absolutely nothing of note in their entire history of existence. They’re the bass players of the United Kingdom, and we admire them for that. One thing they do have in Wales though, is the world’s most bent, askew and entirely Jolly Rogered lexicon. It’s the boxing day sale of vocabularic format. Anything goes. Wales do have an exotic bedfellow in the confusing lyrical tryst: Russia. And the two met last night in a clash of English (Russian, Welsh).

Just prior to the kick-off of the world’s highest scoring Scrabble barney, the world sat aghast. “Ohhh” they huffed, as vast disappointment rained on parades and ants were loosed on our picnic:

The manager of the Russian team, the magnificently named Leonid Slutsky, (stop it,) thew his limbs around in a manner we were all thinking. Well said.

3-0 Wales, thanks to a rather nifty strike from the newly blonde Aaron Ramsey.

Also, probably worth mentioning, the world’s worst ponytail (and probably the man attached to it) joined a rather impressive group of goal scorers who put the ball thing in the box thing in every group stage game at the Euro. Bale next to Milan Baros? Pinch me, I’m dreaming.


Love wins in London; traffic: silver; bigots: the bronze

Ahead of London’s LGBT Pride event, Telco lads Siemens have decided to change a myriad of pedestrian crossing lights across the city to reflect the beacon that love wins.

There’s an amazing subtext at play here. For those who don’t respect the choices that LGBT people make, or too the rights they seek, they’ll have to be told when to walk by two men holding hands. Well played.

Love wins.

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