For most of my life, I’ve been told to not space out. Well, Miss Jones, joke is on you, because there’s a sport in South Korea that nutures my talent.
Do you possess a very particular set of skills? Skills that you, like I, have acquired instead of a long career? That innate ability to do nothing, achieve less and literally just sit and stare into space?
Those who possess it know it’s a rare gift, reduced to people often asking us “are you high?”
No, we are not high…well I’m not right now anyway. We are the dreamers, the under achievers, the “no hopers” of this planet, and dammit, we sit proud. And now there’s an actual sport that caters to us vaguestronauts. Can I get an unenthused amen? That’s right, we can win a gold medal just by doing nothing for hours on end. Fuck, I’m writing this article slouched in bed because moving one meter to my desk is too much effort.
Anyway. Reason for this rant, is that “spacing out” in now a legitimate sport. It’s a sport without the sport. My cankles are rubbing together with glee as we speak.
But the only downer is, Australia hasn’t caught up with this dope sport, so to win this medal you’re going to have to fly to South Korea, the Mount Olympus of this non-sport. Is that where the Olympics are from? (Sort of – Ed) Getting to one of them is going to take some fucking effort for people like us. Like booking the ticket involves some thinking, which we all know, we prefer not to do when possible. Thoughts like, what class will we fly in, what seat do we want, do we want the meat or vegetarian meal option? …aarghh, it’s too much!
Okay, I will admit there may be a slight problem to this no brainer win for even some of us slackers. Yes, all we need to do is just sit there and zone out, but in this sport you can’t even flinch a little. No scratching your nose, no looking about, no sleeping…no sleeping!?
Here is how the event goes, you get to the event, sit in your bean bag or lay on the ground, whatever is allowed, they do the countdown: “…ready…set…stop,” and then it’s on like a stoner’s mindset; the 90 minutes of nothing. All you need to win is the steadiest heart rate.
The whole ordeal actually just started out as an art performance back in 2014, staging a creative protest against South Korea’s unhealthy relationship with technology, aka the damn smartphone.
A world without the smart phone. If you’ve ever tried turning of your phone and computers and putting them away for a few days, you’ll know that on day one, it’s a panic fuckfest because you can’t contact anyone with ease, or find out something on Google. But on day two, it’s totally different – the amount of calm and peace you feel is amazing! No hustling in the hassles of today.
The truth is, in the end, this sport isn’t just ideal for un-motivated people, it would be a great experience for absolutely everyone to find calm.
But hang in there. If I can get through writing this out, you can muster up the effort to book a fucking ticket. Flying there isn’t a problem because all you’re doing is sitting, zoning out the fellow passengers with some loud music and headphones. Then you’re in Korea, ready to take home gold like a true blue, is it a cockatoo, Aussie legend of a hero.