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While you were asleep: Corbyn stares down hashtag, refuses to leave, France ride wings of Drake past Ireland, and the Fed Election gets edgy

Approx Reading Time-10What happened while you were asleep? Jeremy Corbyn is avoiding knives thrown by Tony Blair, France cleave Irish hearts and the Fed Election. Beat it.

 

 

 

Jeremy Corbyn refuses to step down in the face of hashtag, 11 Labour ministers pull pin regardless.

The Brexit is fast becoming the towering pile of washing up in the sharehouse sink. This morning a boatful of Labour ministers decided not to tackle it, but rather handed over their resignation, whispering vast betrayal from their leader. One must ask, wtf.

In what they’re calling the Labour coup (replete with its own hashtag #LabourCoup), some commentators are calling for unification behind Corbyn. But who is pulling the strings behind the campaign to oust Jezza? Well, it’s apparently our old compadre, and ex-prime minister Tony Blair.

Honestly, I’ve never seen such messy judicial processes since Henry VIII decided he wasn’t going to pay alimony to Anne of Cleaves. Not a good time to lose one’s head, blighty.

 

France makes Ireland’s hotline bling, it could only mean one thing. 2-1 France.

Dark days at the Euro this orange Australian morning, for the gleeful Irish fans will be heading home. Shame really. They’ve picked up rubbish, replaced flat tyres, lullabied kids to sleep and respectfully wooed the police force of France.

Bless. Anyhow, it all went askew for the boys in green, as Drake’s seminal hit Hotline Bling finally arrived on French shores, ferried by French winger Antoine Griezmann.

So 2015.

 

Belgium arrive by thrashing Hungary man in long pants. 4-0.

France’s awkward rural neighbours, the Belgians have long been marginalised for being Belgian. It’s much like how we treat the New Zealanders: even in things they’re much better at than us, they’re still New Zealanders. So it goes in European footballing parlance, with the Belgians criticised for assembling a galaxy of talent and doing bugger all with it. But, the everyone’s favourite avocado has ripened substantially, whipping the pants off a clashing Hungarian outfit 4-0.

Stop stop, he’s already dead.

However, there was a more important narrative afoot, as the search for the replacement chant for Will Grigg’s on Fire has a new claimant. DJ Otzi.

 

German misses Penalty, world spins off axis. Not that axis.

In their very complete belting of Slovakia (3-0, yet to concede in the tournament), a strange thing happened in the German camp. A German missed a penalty. Ja, vas?, you say? Well, it hasn’t happened since 1976. That includes shootout in the European Championships. Considering there have been a whopping 10 tournaments since ’76, the mind reels. Whether Mesut Özil will publicly be hung for his crimes remains to be seen. Get the Hague on the horn!

 

Fed Election gets tasty. Coalition takes one point lead in preferred polls.

Stop the presses. The Coalition has jumped to a 51-49 lead. To paraphrase The Simpsons: “Australia flips a coin”. Honestly, one week to go, and I’m absolutely certain that the nation has circled the date as we would a holiday.

Just one more week of work to go, then we’re off the hook.

Next election, can’t we settle it in a time honoured way? With wrists bound together, flick knives, and expertly choreographed dancing, like the good old days?

 

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