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Morning. What happened while you were asleep? England defeated by Iceland, Plibersek outgunned Bond villain on QandA and harmonica vacuum sweeps Japan. You’re dreaming. This isn’t real. Shhh.
Iceland enact Brexit 2, vote England out of Euro 2016.
Safe to say that this is England’s darkest week since that nasty cough started doing the rounds in 1665. Last week we sat, jaw and senses aghast when they decided to leave the Euro, as we did again this morning, when they were voted out of the European Championship courtesy of the numb feet and volcanic hearts of the men from Reykjavík. 2-1 Iceland.
— SuperSport (@SuperSportTV) June 27, 2016
— beIN SPORTS (@beINSPORTS_AUS) June 27, 2016
Honestly, though, I’ve not seen such grand stiff upper lippery from the English since the Blitz. A unified mantra to pitch in, and heave-ho all things Europe. So, on a larger scale, everyone got what they wanted, and thusly there are no losers. We were able to live in the age when some fishmongers beat a team of multi-millionaires who created the game and said multi-millionaires were free to leave the party they didn’t even want to attend.
The worst defeat in our history. England beaten by a country with more volcanoes than professional footballers. Well played Iceland.
— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) June 27, 2016
Bond villain outsmarted on QandA, sensationalism wins the eve.
In the immortal words of Michael J Jagger: you can’t always get what you wa-ant. We didn’t want to go to bed angry, but alas we did. Last night, Australia’s favourite soapbox, QandA, dipped dangerously close to a Jerry Springer level of discourse.
Unbalanced, interesting, but chiding as fork.
On the panel this week was fiduciary illusionist Mathias Cormann. As was Tanya Plibersek, who was forced to answer this question from a man who brought his own soundbites from home, much like a packet of Maltesers smuggled into a handbag at the movies:
— ABC Q&A (@QandA) June 27, 2016
As the night progressed, the Doctor Phillian truthbombs became even more atomic, with this pearler:
— news.com.au (@newscomauHQ) June 27, 2016
Meanwhile, Alan Jones decided to doff his cap toward the struggling youth of Australia, with obvious comments that were met with a click of the tongue, and a roll of the eye of those he supported. Bless.
— ABC Q&A (@QandA) June 27, 2016
Alan knows about young people; they’re those things his listeners see every Christmas. #qanda
— Tom Ballard (@TomCBallard) June 27, 2016
People in Japan invent ‘harmonica vacuum’, because, Japan.
— 雪夜狐みゃあ@チェロメタさん (@CelloMetalgirl) June 25, 2016
The main question, other than “God, why?”, is “How many times has it been retweeted on Twitter?”. It currently stands at 230,000. Apparently that particular tune is a homage to a clearly much treasured Windows 95 sound file, however, we at TBS do not accept this, because the response doesn’t match the output. The pointlessness of the harmonica vacuum clearly didn’t reach this soul, who presumably now has a new unfalliable measure for meeting new people:
if you don’t like harmonica vacuum I don’t trust you
— teezan (@teezans) June 25, 2016