While you were asleep: Boris Johnson will not be PM, Queensland has early night, US army takes safety off

Approx Reading Time-10Ugh. It’s early. What happened while you were asleep? Boris Johnson decided he didn’t want to be PM and Queensland decided to start drinking earlier.



Boris Johnson sledged by Mark Renton, decides not to choose life (or to be PM).

It was the biggest political shock felt in blighty since last Tuesday. Boris Johnson will not be PM, nor will he be sitting on the throne that many leaders before him have mused upon behind the black door of 10 Downing Street. The move has wreaked the breaking of many a monocle, but no-one put it more tritely than everyone’s favourite reformed junkie, Mark Renton.

For a man who famously espoused the lack of benefits in being Scottish, this must be a low point for ‘Rents. Needless to say, if you are reading this, Mark, a relapse is a bad idea. Remember what happened with Lou Reed and the carpet?

On a pseudo-accurate, high school dropout historical angle, it’s not that far off LBJ leading the US further into Vietnam, then pulling the Presidential Pin, never to be seen again, until the 100 percent pure adrenaline of Point Break (1991). Question, of course, is who is going to take the job that no-one wants?

Will we now see a utopia governed exclusively by cynicism? A nation collectively choosing not to choose?


Queensland has first governmental endorsed early night, drunken anecdotal babbling set to challenge legislation.

Last night, the bars of abject peace were sung over the painted streets of Queensland. The much-maligned lockout laws have migrated north for the winter. The laws, much like those in Sydney, were enacted in an effort to curb violence, but we at TBS feel that the effects are doubled. Not only for assaults swung upon strangers’ faces, but also on their senses.

It’s morning now, and quietly, oh so quietly, across the circumference of the sunshine state, a community of cab drivers, kebab vendors and convenience clerks will be pinching themselves to consciousness. For, last night, they were no longer victims of anecdotes that went nowhere and inhibited the progress of the transaction they were trying to complete; no relationship squabbles they were tasked to solve, without knowing who was exactly involved; nor were there the glassy eyes of the revellers querying them on the finer details of their life story.

Twitterer @cupedetat is one of these people freed from the yoke of drunken discourse, gleaning the positive tone of his tweet. Happy Days!


United States lifts ban on transgender troops, murder now available for all. Naw.

Defence Secretary Ashton Carter has made the dogs of war available for walkies to transgender troops, allowing the 2,500 or so US service members to enter combat, calling in the governmental ‘nape on the “don’t ask, don’t tell” mantra that kept sexuality from being openly discussed in the world’s police force.

Which is grand news.

Inclusion is a wonderful thing, and a pursuit worth pursuing. Just think of it. Men, women, transgender, black, white, yellow, whoever. All together, making beds, running around in squares and inadvertently destroying rural villages with high explosives.

Love wins.


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