Finding yourself disappointed with the world of pop music? TBS presents How Music Taste Evolved from Polygraph – check out where it all went so wrong!
Have you been listening to the FM band recently and found yourself despairing over the starlet-strewn, Bieberfied wasteland that is commercial radio today? Do you ever wonder how you came to live in a world that allows an electrotuned remake of the Salt-n-Pepa classic Let’s Talk About Sex (now with less safe sex and more dubious claims regarding the singer’s alleged counter-top prowess that sounds quite unsafe and impractical, really…) to crack the Top 20 on the ARIA charts? Are you one of those insufferable wankers who spends the time spent queuing for the latest burger pop-up arguing with your mate over which year in music was greater – 1994 or 1997? (Obviously the answer is 1997.) Or are you just the nostalgia-driven sort who likes to sit back and ask yourself (in the immortal words of Talking Heads and…thousands of other people) how did I get here?
Well, we here at TBS have discovered a tool that will help to enable you further, you poor, sweet, troubled soul. Polygraph have released How Music Taste Evolved, a new kind of earworm that tracks every Top 5 Billboard hit from every week of every year for 57 years (from 1958 – 2015). So now you can discover how many weeks Livin’ La Vida Loca spent at the top of the charts in 1999 (a whole five weeks too many), or which song holds the record for longest stint at the top in the ’80s. (That particular honour goes to Physical, which not only spent 10 weeks at #1 in ’81, it also denied Foreigner’s Waiting For A Girl Like You the top spot for the same length of time – get it, Olivia Newton-John!)
A few minutes of Polygraph’s musical graph-y goodness allows us all to see just how truly terrible pop music is, regardless of the decade in which we find ourselves. You can wax nostalgic all you want about how much better music was back in the day, but the worm doesn’t lie and Captain & Tennille’s Love Will Keep Us Together will go down in history as Billboard’s highest selling single of 1975. Not Bowie. Not Queen. This pile of sparkly, grandpa-hat-rocking horseshit. You’re welcome!
It doesn’t matter if it’s 1958, 1978 or even 2018 – pop music has been, and always will be, a load of catchy, repetitive glittervomit…because it’s largely determined by the tastes of teenagers.
And no matter what year it is, surely we can all agree that teenagers are the worst.
Check it out, here!