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- Our government needs to do more to free Kylie Moore-Gilbert from persecution in Iran
- As the world falls apart, America legislates the flying car
- Trump can’t stop the election, but he can delegitimise it
- One small step: The effect of viewing our problems from space
Morning! What happened while you were asleep? Well, a private company is mining the moon, Potter fans started a civil war, and the IOC put its hat on backwards.
People figure out Potter book is not actually a book, takes spark out of collective wands.
The latest instalment of Harold Potter, if you missed it, is the winding story about how a guy gets a chance to go to a prestigious school, but decides to get back at the admissions board who took a chance on him by wagging most of the classes and, spoiler alert, impregnates a ginger.
Anyway, the latest instalment, which is worthy to note, is not the latest instalment, is copping a wide amount of criticism because it is not the next instalment…rather is it a play, based on the book, written by someone else.
“This is NOT a Harry Potter book,” one unhappy fan ranted on Amazon. “It reads like a poorly written fan fiction.” https://t.co/QOOTqTcalQ
— NYT Business (@nytimesbusiness) August 3, 2016
So, criticism. But! Those who pledged their unwavering allegiance to JK Rowling, perhaps through the unbreakable bond of omertà (or visa transaction) have defended the author’s decision to not exactly do what they want her to do the most in the world.
To the people that didn’t know HP and the Cursed Child was a script. pic.twitter.com/g9xoeBqmaQ
— Merritt Heilman (@merrittsheilman) August 2, 2016
However, we at TBS Towers have a most impressive plan, as our Editor is a secret Harry Potterphile he left this hand-scrawled note, delivered by magpie.
“Dear readers, to enjoy the books as you did the first time, find the corner of your nearest table, clonk one’s noggin’ until the Potterverse is but a half-remembered dream, yeah?”
From the Earth to the moon on the USS Private Enterprise.
Moon Express, a company that wants to travel to the…I’m not finishing that sentence; anyway, they’ve been green-lit to fly to land on the lunar orb in 2017. The first mission will cost around $25 million, sitting side saddle on a rocket thingo built by Electron Labs.
Moon Express cleared for lunar landing https://t.co/P6DuTKaZBR
— BBC Technology (@BBCTech) August 3, 2016
Thing is, there was a couple of problems. One: everyone knows that America owns space. They earned that right after 007 blasted that goateed french guy to smithereens in Moonraker. Moving swiftly on from the pits of Roger Moore, Moon Express’ journey through the US Senate was an even more daring adventure, tiptoeing around the International Outer Space Treaty.
Two: what Moon Express wishes to do with the opportunity is…everything. From tourism all the way to mining (cheese?). And while we may get the lunar settlement advertisement promised us in 1963, I write this with a warning. The last time a cash-heavy private enterprise walked to the moon, it didn’t go strictly well.
Olympic flame arrives in Rio, organisers already move to 2020.
The flame of athletic achievement has unfurled itself on the sands of Ipanema to much rejoicing. Problem is, we’re about to gaze upon a world of unique sport, one that we ignore, and indeed marginalise the rest of our lives (and thusly whoever plays it).
Pop your hands up if: if a triple-jumper rolled into the cluuuub, you’d forgo your evening and eventually, your underwear. “Wow! You jump three times?”, you say, tracing a flirtatious circle in the remnants of the gin you deliberately knocked over five minutes prior.
Perhaps sensing this, the IOC have nervously told us that they too are cool, and to prove it, they’ve okayed surfing, skateboarding and “climbing” (whatever that is), for the Tokyo Games in 2020.