Morning! What happened while you were dozing? Well, Abbott restarted his Civil War, Suicide Squad broke records and we’re winning at Rio. Say what?
Abbott claims Liberal Party broken, restarts the Battle of Bulltwang.
And the shaky truce has again been shattered, for a long-standing civil war has restarted, in a different time, but with the same faces. Last night, the rumblings of political cannons grew louder once more, with the conservative general Genghis Tone making his feelings known about the deep rift currently felt, and the danger of the warlords controlling the fate of the Mal dynasty.
— Sally Neighbour (@neighbour_s) August 7, 2016
In response to this, the President of the Liberals in NSW, Trent Zimmerman (member for North Sydney – Ed) ostensibly said “Nah”.
For now, one can again assume that the gloves momentarily placed upon the knuckles have been removed. Again.
Abbott v Turnbull XVI: The Re-Reckoning – This time, like all the others, it’s personal.
Suicide Squad panned as terrible movie, opens to a record-breaking August.
Curiouser and curiouser. Everyone that I know on Facebook, and no longer know in real life, say that Suicide Squad was indeed not very good. Incidentally, expectations should have been low, because these people don’t actually have superpowers because superpowers don’t exist. Moreover, the title kind of spoiled the narrative, in that they all die after reel six (do they?).
All of this, combined with the lack of critical support (26% on Rotten Tomatoes) has shuttled it to the largest August opening in the gaudy history of cinema, which, looking at the calendar, is no mean feat. The ‘Squad rolled over that 1980’s love letter with a talking tree in it, Guardians of the Galaxy, with the final receipts numbering a frankly ludicrous $135 million dollars.
Which begs the mind-bending equation to be figured: if a bad movie breaks records, is it then a good movie? If not, perhaps we should create a new statistic: NORAPS (Number of Refunds Asked Per Screening).
That way, we can ask, as the last of our fanboys nerves are sheared away, whats the NORAPS, brah?
Australia momentarily atop the medal tally, blunts our cynicism. Somewhat.
Hold the phone. Originally, we had an idea here at TBS Towers, that our performance would surely be grim so we’d dredge the bottom of the Olympic Barrel, you know, for lols. However, the jam that was removed from our crumpet was replaced by Vegemite this morning when we discovered that we sat atop the pinnacle of Olympic excellence!
Needless to say, we’ll still be following through with our plans to find out who will come dead last, but seeing as the list is gargantuan, held together by a sea of third-world nations, such as Great Britain, today we’ll wave the flag.
Come on, you Australian…people.
Incidentally, stay tuned, cynics, for each morning during this segment we’ll keep you appraised of who is in line to take out our prestigious TBS Non-Olympiad, where everybody wins.
Except the winners. They lose.