- “Summer of glove” campaign calls for the end of Berejiklian-era strip-searches
- The great Australian dream of owning a backyard is dead, but it can be resurrected
- Thoughts on facing the quarter life crisis
- McKenzie awarded a grant to a gun club without disclosing she was a member
- If America implements a universal basic income, the working class will be short-changed
Morning! What happened while you were asleep? Quite a bit. The ABS blamed foreigners for the #CensusFail, Bernie Sanders restarted his war against the Dems and no joy for Sun burn.
ABS blames #CensusFail on foreign hack, nation rolls eyes
T’was the morning after the night before, as a weary nation woke apathetically to point its finger toward the ABS for an answer to the question “da fuq?”. After keeping us up all night, not to get lucky, but rather, angry, the Australian Bureau of Statistics has an answer that’d sort all the problems.
“It was an attack, and we believe from overseas,” said David Kalisch, the bloke that sits on the top wrung of the corporate ladder over of the ABS. Incidentally, the data that was submitted is “safe”, so we needn’t worry, according to the bureau, as the shutdown was enabled to ensure the security of the submitted data, and presumably, try the patience of the remainder of the populace.
As our generation does when we’re disappointed in someone, we made with the memes. All hail the #CensusFail.
— BrightKnights (@norman_goetz) August 9, 2016
— cas (@cassydaus) August 9, 2016
— Sylvia Jeffreys (@SylviaJeffreys) August 9, 2016
Incidentally, this morning is indeed a good one for those who couldn’t be buggered in the first place. Much like the kid who doesn’t do the project, but is bailed out when the teacher calls in sick, as it is with those lazy gits this morn. They’ll be easy to spot this morning. They are those who echo your screams of complaint stifling a wide grin.
Australian Olympic team rule out Mitch Horton apology to Sun Yang.
Mitch Horton, a special Australian talent that no-one had heard of until he won gold, and subsequently used the top step of the podium to rain abuse down on Chinese swimmer, Sun Yang, will absolutely not be giving an apology. A move now backed by the Olympic team boss (which is called the Chef de Mission for some reason), Kitty Chiller. Which is a ridiculous name indeed.
The original comments that Horton fired at Yang was that of hating the player, not the game, ergo: drug cheats are bad, as are you, Yang. Which is all well and good. I’m glad someone wellied up in an effort to make the snoozefest that is Olympic swimming a smidge more entertaining.
Furthermore, Mr Yang, if you are fishing for an apology, best not to. For your actions, maybe, but also for the man who pointed them out:
If someone sledged you in 2016 with the Joey Tribbiani combover, how seriously would you take it? Give him this one, Yang, you could maybe beat him up if you wanted to.
The return of Bern, Or: How I stopped backing the Democrats and loved the Bern.
Guess who’s back. Back again. Bernie’s back. Tell a friend (to not vote Democrat). Right, everyone’s favourite empathetic billionaire has rolled back into political ‘hood, gunning down his endorsement of the ‘Hill for Capitol Hill in last month’s Democratic Convention with today’s chicanery.
Restarting his revolution, Bernie has cobbled together a fundraising email, before hitting “send all”, to topple one Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who represents the party that he has openly backed:
For those who got tired of the US election and slept through it, Debbie Wasserman Schultz was the one who resigned as the head of DNC after that mass of leaked emails found that the Dems were not strictly, in the words of Bernie “fair and even-minded during the primaries”.
So, in endorsing Canova, he has essentially pelted the sourest of sour grapes at the Democratic establishment, represented by Wasserman Schultz.