Humpday. Tee hee. What happened while you were asleep? Don’t ask. The National Dictionary went bogan, Salim Mehajer’s video rant is being investigated and the police in the US tragically killed a deaf man.
National Dictionary updated, national shame builds.
In a move that is sure to remove the batter from savs of all non-bogan Australians (such as the publisher of this publication), a series of new entries have been carved into the National Dictionary. And yes, I’m as dumbfounded as you, fair reader, as I also had no idea that we possessed such a thing. Where does such a cursed tome lie? Is it buried deep under the Mount Panorama, bound in the skin thrashed from the broad shoulders of Paul Hogan? Do the wails of a thousand forgotten drunkards scream complaint when you leaf through its storied pages?
The second edition of the National Dictionary is set to roll off the presses sharpish. The first edition smashed through the metaphorical collective coffee table in 1988, and for those who have been in coma for the last 28 years, and purely gleaned our national advancements only through the National Dictionary, it would seem that we haven’t changed that much, with the terms “Goon of Fortune”, “Ranga” and “Carrying on like a pork chop” entering history.
Amazingly, the biggest winner of the whole smorgasbord is the Left’s favourite ex-PM, Tony Abbott. The Tone was responsible for many entries, thanks to the quotable nature of his tenure. “Shitfront”, “Captain’s Pick” and, according to Peter van Noorden who is responsible for the whole thing, “He (Abbott) is also the poster boy for the term ‘budgie smuggler’, which is another term that we have in there”. So, the legacy of Abbott walks tall, forever etched in the national psyche. Well done there, Tone. Moreover, now that Abbott has been legitimised with the big blue tick of bogan colloquialisms, I feel it’s time we all give him his due. Time for Australia to honour Tony as we do Bob Hawke. After all, what did Hawke do, beyond suggesting that Australians should have the day off? Enforce it, he did not. Tony is in the dictionary.
US police fatally shoot deaf man in North Carolina whilst signing.
In what I can only assume was a furious, visceral and desperate collection of moments, a North Carolina state trooper fatally shot an unarmed deaf man. As far as what we know goes, Mr Harris (the victim) was pulled over for a parking violation. He exited the car, attempted to communicate with the trooper, before the fatal choice was made. And yes, it can easy to be judge, and vast change to the “gun first” mantra must be made concrete, but placing yourself in the shoes of the man who pulled the trigger, the issue is substantially less black and white.
According to the police report, Mr Harris did not identify his impairments and left the vehicle immediately approaching the car of the trooper after what was apparently a “brief pursuit” which with a bit of imagination can be visualised. Perhaps the office deduced Mr Harris as a threat. Which might be fair enough, for, whenever we’re pulled over by the constabulary, we’re furious, so its fair to assume that Mr Harris was animated, the stress of the situation exacerbated by the pursuit. Moreover, if the trooper didn’t know he was deaf, and was approached by a gentleman who is furiously gesticulating…well, confusion reigns, and mistakes are made…
On the other side of that coin, however: was the “brief pursuit” a direct result of Mr Harris not hearing the sirens, you know, because he can’t? If so, how brief was the “brief pursuit”? Should Mr Harris state his impairments, or was he already, with the trooper just unable to understand? According to witnesses, Mr Harris was shot “almost immediately” after exiting his vehicle, which obviously hints at the gun being preferred over delusion of the situation.
Police investigate Salim Mehajer video rant.
As far as antagonists go, for some, former Auburn councillor Salim Mehajer is the devil in tailored cuffs. Hot off his appearance on A Current Affair via a pre-recorded message to his estranged wife Aysha, the Sydney police are now “examining” the mobile footage aired by channel 9. In the expletive-laden rant, he commanded Aysha to call him within five minutes under the threat of murdering her parents. And some other things, which I won’t be republishing, as this is a family publication.
The ACA promo is below, so feel free to make your own minds up.
— A Current Affair (@ACurrentAffair9) August 22, 2016
In response to the piece, Mr Mehajer reportedly said that he was misrepresented by the video, and believed that he was taken entirely out of context.