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While you were asleep: Google v Uber, Australia’s new PM, IS spokesman slain

Approx Reading Time-10Humpday! Tee hee. What happened while you were asleep? Well, Google decided to take on Uber, IS suffered a blow and Australia has a new PM (sort of)!

 

Google to take on Uber in ride-sharing war, set to duke it out on San Franciscan streets for drunks.

Google’s ride-sharing service, is, in essence, a carpool service. Google are set to utilise the Waze app to round up their potential flock by virtue of those heading the same direction. So, essentially, it’s a smaller bus, driven by a tie-wearing passive-aggressive peculiar fellow, keeping one eye on the road, and the other on you. To work. So, at the very least there’ll be waves of familiarity, on the way to work. The shades of Saturday night regret felt on Monday morning responsibility. I like.

What makes this battle important, however, are those who they are set to claim. The upcoming Goober conflict will be a boon for us. You see, the pointless battles of our generation start with daggers drawn, as we rub our hands together with anticipation, before the squabble succumbs to fatigue, and surrenders to our disinterest. What happened to the great battles of our youth – those twisting narratives that kept us, and those friendships flamed because of it? Can Google v Uber be our Nintendo v Sega, because, like you know, we’re adults now?

While the Golden Gate bridge might be the first battle line hailed, the conflict will soon twist outward, and how sweet that’d be. Our flags of preference (read: middle fingers) fired out tinted windows of speeding automobiles at the other.

 

Islamic State’s spokesman, and architect of external terror attacks slain, changes nada.

As reported by their media agency, Amaq, IS’ spokesman, Abu Muhammad al-Adnani has been slain in Syria.

However, al-Adnani is more than the man who draws the raffle at the end-of-year IS mixer (if they have such a thing), as he also doubled as the head of Emni, the branch of IS that plans external terror attacks, and propaganda. Which for interesting side note into what that job looks like, here’s NYT Times correspondent Rukmini Callimachi:

So, in morbid black-and-white, the results seem a positive. However, it’s safe to assume that the removal of al-Adnani is little more than an important name to be replaced on a board in some air-conditioned room in West Virginia, and this morning resumes will be forwarded to fill Mr al-Adnani’s vacant position.

 

Awkward lols here. Due to an imaging snafu (happens to the best of us), a Reuters article did this:

Which is unfair on Joe Biden, he just got the job. However, the joke is not on Reuters, because an honest mistake is an honest mistake, but rather all of us. Given our recent turbulent political shenanigans, who’s to say that it wouldn’t exactly play that way? After all, remember that morning at about this time last year, when we woke up to find that we suddenly had a new Prime Minister?

Hmm. Starting to think that Reuters might be taking the mick here. As Google tells me, “Satire is a lesson”, so well played, Reuters, for taking us (and our problems) to school.

#BidenOut

 

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TBS Likes is a strange place where anything goes. Like International Waters, or Christmas morning after the shine has worn off and the booze has kicked in. May the ugliness commence.

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