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Oh, Malcolm: Turnbull stole plebiscite moves from “Grease”


Approx Reading Time-10Something seemed very familiar about how the plebiscite is being handled. As it turns out, I’ve seen that movie before. Tell me about, stud.


It’s fair to say that the whole Malcolm Turnbull/plebiscite tryst has a shade of fiction to it. Well, this morning when I emerged from a fever dream, it all seemed so obvious. The long-running romance between the two was directly lifted from the 1978 movie Grease.


Well, let me tell you about it, stud.

Back in the summer of 1959 (2015), Danny Zuko (Malcolm Turnbull) met a mysterious, yet valuable partner in Sandy Olsen (same-sex marriage). In their brief encounter, Danny stopped Sandy from drowning (being dropped as an election promise). He turned up, splashing around, and it was all good.

Those su(u)mmer ni(i-i-i-i)ghts.

Problem was, once school (the election) was back, Sandy was there too, which presented a problem. Malcolm was part of the T-Birds (the LNP). They certainly would not stand for a partner like Sandy to just be his steady. So, then the debate on both sides commenced and, well-a-well-a-well-a uh.

Tell me more tell me more (Will there be a free vote?)
Tell me more tell me more (Like does he have support?)
Tell me more tell me more (Will he bring the right?)
Tell me more tell me more (Will he put up a fight?)

All of this discussion made Malcolm act very harshly toward same-sex-marriage, not totally admitting that they were an item at the pep rally (Federal Election). Suddenly, Sandy was on the outer, and while it was very uncool for a T-Bird to love a partner like Sandy, it made Malcolm sad.

Rizzo (Cory Bernardi), was particularly brutal whilst wearing a wig, refuting the values that made Sandy, Sandy.

Look at me I’m gay marriage,
Reflecting young society,
I’ll lose my head if they’re legally wed,
I can’t, its gay marriageeeee.

That evening at the drive-in (voting day), Malcolm tried to make amends, and bust moves, by pushing Sandy to be his (policy). But, sadly, it all went wrong. Sandy left, as she saw Malcolm hadn’t changed and was still using her, and the T-Birds (the LNP) saw that he was still messing around with that strange woman. It was a bad, nervous night for Malcolm.

Stranded at the voting booth,
Branded a Tone.
What will they say,
Monday in the news?

Sandy, can’t you see?
I’m in minority.
We made a start,
Now we’re apart.

Please say you’ll stay, Oh Sandy.

The following school day, he awoke to the news that he was still the most popular fella in school. But by that time, he had also lost Rizzo, who, being barefoot and pregnant (send to the UN without support) had other things in mind, speaking out loud about the worst things he could do (breaking away from the LNP), deciding to stay home all night and wait for his Mr Right.

Which turned out to be himself.

Also on The Big Smoke

“Hey! There’s Turnbo!”, the T-Birds wailed, marvelling at the crisp varsity sweater (Prime Ministership) he was proudly a-rockin’. They asked, nervously, “are you desertin’ us?”, a conversation that was rudely interrupted by the reemergence of Sandy.

It was her, except she looked different. Nothing like before. Clad in tight leather (crippling expense), rebelliously smoking a cigarette (a middle finger to the gay community), before stamping it out (to welcome debate), she was not longer the same-sex-marriage issue he once knew, she was now something else – the plebiscite.

After that point, chills were multiplying, and control was lost, as the political difference she was supplyin’ was electrifyin’ (infuriating).

In the eyes of Malcolm, the Plebiscite was the one that he wanted.

As Malcolm threw himself around the shake-shack of the Liberal Party headquarters, it seemed the one that they both wanted was indeed each other. They were sure down deep inside.


Everyone was happy. There was good news for Rizzo too, as she re-emerged to announce that she was going to keep the baby, and call it “The Australian Conservatives”.

So, everyone won, and thusly everyone went together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong, and the two flew off into the sky in the red convertible of political discourse toward that “one day” in the future (February 11).

Roll credits.


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