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First Brexit, now this. If the English haven’t already suffered enough, now they have to talk to strangers on the tube. Please don’t bring it down here.
If you are anything like me, you’d be reading this sardined adjacent to someone who smells similar, rocketing toward that we prison we get paid to fill. Maybe this morning you’ve snagged yourself a seat, which is fortunate, as you now avoid reeling around space like swinging meat en route to a deli. Across from you, there’s the mix of the bored crazy and the regular crazy, those with an automatic tic, those whose lives are empty enough to seek nothing more than to neck conflict, to be able to speak the question that has no correct answer.
What are you lookin’ at?
Look at these people (not in the eye obviously) and count your blessings, for in the UK you are expected to converse with them. The ‘tube, made famous by that ‘seppo Warewolf, and the verbose cripsy twit in a mask (Hugo Weaving, V for Vendetta – Ed) have implemented their most out there project yet, one that makes the previous two pale in morbid comparison. The name of the beast is “Tube Chat”, and God help me its face is demonically ugly.
This bent scheme awards a badge to people who are inclined for a chin-wag – you know, those who you specifically try to avoid on public transport – which thereby grants them jurisdiction to commandeer your personal space.
Overreaction? Nope. You see, we commuters are a fickle, easily led bunch. We endure packed, late, unreliable tin cans, and we are kept by rules that solely live on a sticker; Feet off the seats; This is a quiet carriage. So, yes, this is serious, and don’t think for a second that it couldn’t happen here. Fortunately, it’s happened in the birthplace of cynicism first, and those who live under the heel of the plot acted in the way you expected them to.
— AlanWilliams (@Alan_L_Williams) September 29, 2016
— BOO-PY (@pewpy) September 29, 2016
— Boris Starling (@vodkaboris) September 29, 2016
Although, first workday back from the long weekend, this is certainly one I could get behind.
— Cryo (@cryoclaire242) September 29, 2016
See you on the commute. And don’t you dare mention this piece, or anything more than an inquiry of whether this seat is currently occupied. It’s for all of us.