Well, a rather smutty, yet valuable scientific study has recently purported the connection between music and the physical act of love. Thanks, science.
Remember that scene in the ’80s romp where a humbled, dweeby Tom Cruise started a prostitution ring, mainly because his parents were out of town? Yeah, me neither, I’ve never seen Risky Business. But I remember that scene, the one where his wayfarered face, and underweared clacker, was goosed by the bars of Bob Seger.
ICYMMW (in case you misconstrued my waffling):
As it turns out, that memorable snapshot of cinematic voyeurism also holds true in the world of science. The equation boils simply down to this:
Find people in room + music = rumpy-pumpy.
Dr Daniel Levitin, the man who concocted the study, decided to collate his data in the homes of the test subjects (which has more than a shade of kink to it) because “This is the kind of thing that it would be very difficult to do in a university setting or a research lab. This kind of work is very labour intensive.”
The study discovered the distance between household members decreased by 12% during the in-home study. People were 33% more likely to cook together and 85% more likely to invite people over, 15% more likely to laugh together and 18% more likely to utter the words, “I love you.”
Which is all well and good, you may think, but what about the smut? I hear you, you cretins. Well, the shameful figure is 37%. 37% more likely to have maritals, and 66% more likely to engage in some sort of affectionate shenanigans short of the whole show. There you are, stick that in your complex equations to compute the likelihood of conquest post-Tinder gif, or anniversary dish. If that computation is indeed accurate, please don’t tell me. You can place your findings on the back of a postcard and send it to Not me, 1 Nope Street, Nopesville, Nopes South Wales, 6673.
Dr Daniel Levitin, yeah him again, said of the sexy-time results: “It’s absolutely new…It might be something that you heard about, that people would say, but that doesn’t make it data.” Which makes you think how he figured that out.
“Honey, stop, the psychologist is watching.”
“It’s ok, it’s for science.”
“Yeah”, the good doctor grumbled, looping furious etched circles in his notepad, murmuring, “yeah mmm. That’s good science.”
In saying this, the reasoning behind the methods of Dr Dan, the Filthy Science Man, are quite sound. Levitin states that music gooses fun twin genes oxytocin and serotonin to come out and play-ay-ay. The final hypothesis seems to be: we, as a species are highly susceptible to the wily charms of music. So, this eve, pencil in your own in-house experiment, find a test subject and reach your own hypothesis. You know what I’m talking about.