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While you were asleep: Brandis asked to resign, NSA arrests employee, Disney seeks Chinese actress


Approx Reading Time-10Morning! What happened while you were asleep? Well, people wanted to sup the blood of Brandis, and the NSA suffered its own Snowden remake, as Disney search for a Chinese lead in theirs.


Brandis apparently misled parliament, public asks nicely for neck on chopping block

The wolves at the house of George wail for Brandis. Creatures crawl in search for blood, to terrorise your neighbourhood. As the sun rises over a rather awkward breakfast table in chez Brandis, Cornflakes made soggy by allegations, George knows there are those who are asking for his resignation this morning, after he apparently misled parliament over legal changes to the internal system.

The changes now forbid his ministerial pals to seek independent legal advice from the Solicitor-General. “Big whoop, wanna fight about it?”, you might think. But the bitter consommé boils down to this. Apparently the Solicitor-General, Julian Gleeson, said that he had not been consulted on the change, and the changes were “in a materially different form to the form of that document immediately prior to 4 May 2016”.

For what it’s worth, George Brandis approached the Senate stating that:

“Section 55ZF of the Judiciary Act 1903 empowers the attorney general to issue directions, which are to apply generally to Commonwealth legal work, or are to apply to Commonwealth legal work being performed, or to be performed, in relation to a particular matter. As the Direction relates to the process for referring a question of law to the solicitor general, the attorney general has consulted the solicitor general.”

Hmm. Puzzling. In the immortal words of political analyst Frederick Durst in his critically acclaimed work, Break Stuff: “It’s all about the she said, he said, bullshit”


NSA employee arrested for theft of secrets, Oliver Stone preps for Snowden sequel

Perhaps the next name we can add to the pack of whistleblowers/criminals is Harold T Martin III. The 51-year-old had his front door removed from its hinges, in an effort to return the files that he allegedly stole from the NSA, and has since been charged with the theft and retention of classified data. However, and this may be just the initial stages, but if the man did do it to expose the inner machinations of the surveillance state, he’s going about it all wrong.

At this early stage, there seems to be a lack of political motivation, à la Edward Snowden, as the statement offered by Martin’s lawyers claimed that “we have not seen any evidence. But what we know is that Hal Martin loves his family and his country. There is no evidence that he intended to betray his country”.

So what exactly did he sort of apparently steal/not steal? Apparently Hal (which incidentally is the meta of all dweeby nicknames) took highly classified computer code, developed by the NSA, to break into the computer systems of their foes; namely Russia, China and, somehow, North Korea – which would be impossible to break into, as I presume they are still rocking Windows 95. (*startup noise*)

Apparently, the NSA has admitted that it doesn’t fit the mould of an espionage case, however, the motivations of Mr Martin are still unknown. Perhaps he merely borrowed it to break into foreign servers on his own time.


Disney actively seeking Chinese actor for live action Mulan remake, Internet falls over, clutches wall

In the latest instalment of I Can’t Believe This is News (patent pending), Disney has announced a live-action remake of Mulan, and with that announcement, their chest puffed out, grin as wide as Gaston, they have mentioned that they will be looking for a Chinese actor to play Fa Mulan, which is great because Fa Mulan is Chinese. It’s also great because it’s 2016; Hollywood has subtly continued the step the trail blazed by the hideousness that is Mr Yunioshi in Breakfast in Tiffany’s. Don’t make me find an image. You know what I’m talking about.

Needless to say, the Internet was coloured a similar shade of excitement and tempered disappointment.


The top five #AusPol Tweets from overnight


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