TBS Newsdesk

While you were asleep: Further Dreamworld details, UN bails on Aleppo, Shakespeare’s co-author


Approx Reading Time-10Morning, all. It’s whatever today is. What happened while you were asleep? Well, the AWU called the Dreamworld disaster, the UN blamed both sides for stopping their plan, and William Shakespeare officially had help. Dearie doo.


AWU uses hindsight in claiming that Dreamworld was unsafe last year.

The Australian Worker’s Union has illustrated why one should always perform the role one is responsible for, and why you shouldn’t mention out loud when you fail to do it. They mentioned that they lodged a complaint over safety 18 months ago, but were unable to wring the required documentation from the owners of the park, Ardent Leisure. Ben Swan, the QLD secretary of the AWU said “I think people’s priorities should rightly be on taking care of the situation that immediately exists and looking after the people that have been involved in that, but we did hold some very grave concerns about safety of equipment and the operation of equipment at that site.” Looking at it objectively, what are the AWU saying? “I told you so, but I don’t want to bring it up”?

Swan said he hoped for a full inquiry, before adding that he didn’t want to “inflame” the situation, adding the caveat that the AWU wasn’t concerned about that particular ride that claimed the lives of four.

Moreover, on a side note, it seems an eerie situation: a ride which was part of the fabric of our holidays as a child, one that the 12-year-old me figured wasn’t dangerous, nor frightening turns out to be both. It’s like the police kicking down the door of pleasant old lady across the street, as you later discover that she was capable of horrible things.


UN pulls pin on plan to extract injured from Aleppo, wowsers trousers.

In the words of my upstairs neighbour: “well, fuck”. The visceral blood and gore matinee with a seemingly unlimited season in Aleppo added another notch to its many plaudits. Tortured metaphors aside, the callous bloodletting of the innocent is beyond humour, and comprehension. A UN plan to evacuate those injured in the crossfire was scuttled after a number of bureaucratic conditions during the three day unilateral ceasefire. Stephen O’Brien (who could have the longest job title in history), the United Nations Under-Secretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs and Emergency Relief Co-ordinator (exhale), claimed that “The evacuations were obstructed by various factors, including delays in receiving the necessary approvals from local authorities in eastern Aleppo, conditions placed by non-state armed groups and the government of Syria’s objection to allowing medical and other relief supplies”.

Well, at least everyone is on the same page, right? Both combatants working together is a sort of peace, even if that peace involves waging war until every flicker of existence is removed from the streets of Aleppo. I don’t want to step to the world of trumpeted hyperbole, but I feel the seemingly limitless stomach for horror that both parties possess will see the name “Aleppo” tattooed in the pages of history, and forget we will be unable to, nor should we.

Just stop already, yeah?


Shakespeare bumped to co-author credit on Henry VI, doth sendeth corpse a’spinning.

The corpse of the body of the Bard’s work has long been interfered with. Every so often, through modern biopic, or scientific advancements, the crowbar is called up to jimmy open the mausoleum of Willy to loot the grave of the man who wrote stuff. Now, I’m not a fan by name of any errant horse, despite the earnest efforts of some. I’m still unsold on his true value. But while the “Greatest Writer 5eva, praise kek” might be a Richard Kiel-length stretch, as someone who makes up his own words I do take umbrage with the picking apart of one’s legacy.

The name of this recently credited interloper is Christopher Marlowe, who by aid of a computer, not a quill, mind, did apparently indeed contribute to Henry VI (Parts 1-3). We, here at The Big Smoke can exclusively ask Mr Marlowe on how he feels about this momentous day where history was rent asunder.

TBS: Hullo, Christopher. What did you think when you first heard the news?




He’s dead.

And I don’t want to be curt here, and writing can be a collaborative effort, sure, but to borrow an aphorism from the chanted world of football yobbery, Christopher Marlowe:


The top five #AusPol Tweets from overnight.

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