Morning, poppet. What did you miss while you were asleep? Well, Bob Day will have a rough one ahead of him, Tony Abbott publicly asked for a portfolio and on Twitter, celebs are bracing for a day of authorised stalking.
Cup day? Nup day.
The race that stopped a nation yesterday has morphed into our collective hangover this morning, officially coronating a day where a complete lack of figs will be given. Remember, remember, the second of November, the scan of your account and shock.
Needless to say, I will keep it short this morning. For those of you who missed the race, the most historic moment was held in the horseshoes that finished second. A horse named Heartbreak City. Which is so good, it has me elbowing my loved ones in the ribs, with eyebrows raised to point out the brilliance of it. D’ya get it? eh? eh?
This is why I live alone.
Bob Day eventually vacates office, asked to return, so we can kick him out.
As Douglas McArthur said to the surrounded allied forces before buggering off to safety, “I’ll be back”. This may seem a familiar headline for those who have remained barely conscious over the last month, but Senator Day announced that he’d be pulling the pin of the parliamentary parlour game, in order to sort out his creditors. So, we lined the dock to farewell the elegant vessel RMS Day, as we wept and scattered the confetti of Facebook thumb and Twitter retweet to play his exit. Bon voyage, we tootled, as our teethy warm face dropped when we realised the ship hadn’t left and he’s still in port.
To drag out his exit, the Opposition has lined the boot with paper, and on that paper, there are accusations. Accusations most foul. Inclusive of whether the man who quit should have been in a position to hold the position to quit. Woo, politics.
— Sky News Australia (@SkyNewsAust) November 1, 2016
Day, the man who quit, is now answering calls of misuse of public money, in regards to high lobbying for $1.4 million in 2015. He received 1.84. What makes this house a different colour, is that Senator Day is the current director of the educational institution that the money was intended for.
Where’d the money go? Well, Labor has a theory, perhaps thumbtacked on a basement wall, dots joined with cotton string. The owner of the plan, Senator Doug Cameron planted:
“It’s been a misuse of public money and I think it was designed to deliver to Bob Day and these two other groups for supporting the reintroduction of the ABCC.”
The real question is, when will this day ever end?
Return of the Tone, it is!
The much-vaunted return of Tony Abbott is similar to the hype we felt back in the latter ’90s when we were waiting out the brand-new Star Wars prequels. I won’t bring up how that ended. Because we all know. The face of the Abb is but a wrench in the Turnbull machine, as he dangles himself over the barrier, lowering himself into the cogs below, before stopping, and then recommencing his teasing with an eyebrow that reads “You dare me?”.
Much like the ghost of the king in Hamlet, he moves around the corridors of power, going “ooooooooo”. So, Malcolm, the question is, “who you gonna call (to cabinet)?”. Well, not Tony, as he’s publicly stated what portfolio he’d very much like.
The portfolio for Indigenous Affairs. What makes this different, is the fashion in which he asked. He didn’t privately seek out the leader of his party, but rather handed the grenade over to the media for us to pull the pin.
Cormann: there is no vacancy in the Indigenous affairs portfolio. Abbott has said “happy to be member for Waringah” #auspol
— Paul Karp (@Paul_Karp) November 1, 2016
With the portfolio full, and Abbott responding in the above manner, the message is clear.
Social media green-lights stalking, true romance still alive.
Onto some good news now, and there are a thousand lovelorn loons, marooned on the banks of Heartbreak Island. In a national day of vast repute, and not at all callow time wasting tosh, today marks #DMYourCrushDay. Which, is a bit of fun if you’re 13 and the hormones you know not how to control goose your hand to type awkward jumbled love notes to a celeb, or dreamy Brian from the coffee shop (#dish), but for the rest of us, it’s a day that somehow green-lights stalking.
I’m not sure in what states Twitter’s ruling is legally allowed as a measure of defence, but no matter, for today, love is in the air. Presumably followed by a picture of your genitals, because true romance.
Thank you Twitter, thanks for everything.
my dm’s are pretty much filled with people wanting to crush me #DMYourCrushDay
— syrup (@syrup_0) November 1, 2016
I don’t speak millennial, but, is that good?
Speaking of social media, according to Twitter, this is what happened overnight:
The top five #AusPol Tweets from overnight
Of course, the Senate is just the latest in a long list of houses Bob Day has messed up.
— Dave Donovan (@davrosz) November 1, 2016
BREAKING – KEVIN RUDD ATTACKS PERSON NOT IN THE LABOR PARTY
— John Johnsonson (@JohnJohnsonson) November 1, 2016
Surely today’s the point where political commentators have to fully acknowledge LNP disarray which has long been in plain-sight #auspol
— Denise Shrivell (@deniseshrivell) November 1, 2016
— AshGhebranious (@AshGhebranious) November 1, 2016
This Govt will be a victim of its own secrecy. #onwatermatters
— Paul Keating (@PmPaulKeating) October 31, 2016