TBS Newsdesk

While you were asleep: Goat picks Clinton, Lambie saves SSM, Netflix for books


Approx Reading Time-10Morning! What happened while you were asleep? Well, the US election got clearer, sort of, Jacqui Lambie vowed to save SSM with Pauline, and book lovers stepped closer to seclusion.


US presidential election called from two reputable sources, world confused further.

Good news! The outcome of the US election has been predicted with accuracy following a poll from one reputable source which called the election in favour of the DNC’s HRC.

SWNS/Katielee Arrowsmith

SWNS/Katielee Arrowsmith

Oh and this is the source. This is Boots, he is a psychic ruminant. But don’t let the nifty tartan scarf/ginger wig stereotype combination throw you, for he’s well respected in European political circles, as he already predicted the Brexit earlier in the year, and is currently running the “leave” campaign, well within his responsibilities as Mayor of Aberdeen.

Well, sort of.

However, the fact that news of a psychic goat choosing a candidate has barely dented a custard worldwide surely speaks volumes for the historic insanity of this election.

However-however, Boot’s poll directly refutes an independent measure taken by a Chinese consortium, one which will – screw it, you get the joke, it’s a monkey. A monkey voted for Trump.

So what we’re left with, is a choice between a goat and a monkey. In other news, the same choice we had last night.


Pleb’s dead, baby, Pleb’s dead.

But fear not, for there is a dynamic duo to the rescue. To borrow an aphorism for our own caped Rightie crusader, the Masked Liberal: “to the Lib-mobile!” (Or some sort of right-hand drive vehicle…it’s early.) The news is, that the plebiscite is officially curtains and in place of that hated piece of paper, there is a confused shrug. While we all want same-sex marriage through a free vote, the government is under no obligation to do so. Which makes us sad.

However, help has come from an unexpected source, with Jacqui Lambie pushing for a three-for-the-price-of-one-everything-must-go plebiscite, which will encompass the same-sex marriage issue, euthanasia and Indigenous recognition. (Excuse me for being cynical but I hope the three things aren’t linked.)

Lambie actually mentioned this plan back in August, but disclosing this plan with Radio National this morning, she has indeed a powerful ally. The keeper of the Internet keys, Pauline Hanson.

Get behind them, Australia, because we’ve got diddly else.


Netflix for books arrives in the land of Oz, introverts quietly lose their shit.

This is so wonderfully brilliant, and self-explanatory, it writes itself. And write itself it shall because I’m off to sign up for it. Amazon has launched Kindle Unlimited in Australia, which is basically Netflix for books, which works just like Netflix, but with books. Pay a nominal fee and browse to your heart’s content while not actually picking anything and butchering the first chapter with apathetic eyes, as you regret your decision, wondering if you still should have rolled up Lolita instead of Amanda Quick’s bodice smut.

Oh, choice.

I’m unsure if it’s actually brilliant, as the first Google suggestion that landed in my lap was “cancel Kindle Unlimited”, but eh, it’s better than Netflix.

Don’t cancel my subscription, Netflix, you’re all I have.


The top five #AusPol Tweets from overnight



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