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Emoji URL set to revolutionise marketing, grind gears

emoji

Approx Reading Time-10The humble emoji is set to be big business, with domain company GoDaddy now registering URLs solely in emoji form. Yes, really.

 


The emoji is the Devil. Those glossy, artificial depictions of our faces and genitals (read: eggplant) which speak for our children in place of words will soon be invading the realm of big business. Allow the mind-spin for a moment: the application of emoji and serious business. (Outside of the uber-rich laconic progeny of Russian gas tsars.) It would be a vibrantly-lit, lingual cul-de-sac.

But happen it will, and no amount of wordy complaint will stop it from consuming us all, because words are now useless.

Internet domain kingpins GoDaddy are now registering URLs solely constructed from emoji (or should that be “the emoji”?). Although AdvancePapa are not the first company to jump on the bandwagon, with a Scandivanian airline offering tickets to Vegas via the site “✈️🎰💸.ws”, MarchPepPep are the first to make it less painful to register your own collection of meaningless symbols to redirect customers to your bottom line.

As the stuffed shirts and starched collars of the police officers of the Internet, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN – which is a fucking ironic acronym to have for an enforcement body that must surely deny a wave of applications) have stated that they “increasingly expect to see emojis form a critical part of online communication, so this tool is one way we are starting to cater to this.”

Read: “game, on.”


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Slightly off topic, but just say we’re five years in the future, and the emoji URL is commonplace. Would a misplaced, or incorrectly selected emoji inadvertently dump you into the worst the Internet has to offer? I mean, most of what the emoji is, is innuendo, so without a separate emoji keyboard solely for the address bar, I can safely predict 2021’s most feared social whoopsie…

Anyway, the point is, gird your loins, pack up the truck and move to Silicon (Valley, that is), for the next great land rush is upon us. Those who drag their feet will miss out, for as it stands, the unregulated emoji URL market is the blackest of black. Standard search engines have trouble finding them, and registering them is a crapshoot, hence the Tally-HoPatriarch roll out.

How valuable would the solitary pizza slice emoji be to that market?

If you got in early enough, the cut and thrust, stab and bury nature of the pizza industry could have Mr Domino and Mr Hut at your door in 30 minutes or less to tender you a towering offer.


Also on The Big Smoke


This is just another clever/stupid way to advertise, and while it might be the most vapid sounding marketing gimmick since every plumber mysteriously changed their name to AAA Aardvark 24/7, which is the first plumber you contact?

That’s right; water drop emoji/100 emoji/phone emoji/smug person emoji.

Sigh.

 

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